May 6, 2026

I Chased Popularity & It Nearly Killed Me | Tindell Baldwin | 060

I Chased Popularity & It Nearly Killed Me | Tindell Baldwin | 060
Coincidence or God?
I Chased Popularity & It Nearly Killed Me | Tindell Baldwin | 060

What happens when you finally get everything you thought you wanted and it still leaves you empty?

In this powerful episode of When You Look, author Tindell Baldwin shares her raw and unfiltered story of chasing popularity, partying, relationships, and approval—only to find herself battling addiction, depression, and suicidal thoughts by the end of high school. From the outside, it looked like she had it all. On the inside, she was falling apart.

This is a story about the illusion of popularity, the hidden cost of chasing the wrong things, and the moment everything changed.

If you’ve ever felt the pressure to fit in, to be accepted, or to build your identity around what others think—this conversation will hit home.

👉 In this episode, you’ll hear:

- What “having it all” actually felt like behind the scenes

- How addiction and emptiness took hold during high school

- The turning point that changed everything

- What true identity and purpose really look like

- Why chasing popularity is never worth it

This is more than a story—it’s a wake-up call.


📚 Get Tindell’s book - Popular: Booze, Boys, and Jesus https://a.co/d/03BW11ad


📲 Follow Tindell:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tindellgrace/

Substack: https://open.substack.com/pub/tindellgrace

Tindell's Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/1bNfflCx0ugpXHB4zLsUYE?si=1TuckBY4SnCz_vW8GTiFFg


When You Look Links

YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@WhenYouLookShow

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Website https://www.whenyoulook.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/whenyoulookshow/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/whenyoulookshow/


Chapters

0:31 - Meet Author Tindell Baldwin

2:35 - Chasing Popularity

9:53 - Going Off the Rails

13:06 - Spring Break in Aruba

16:47 - Off to Auburn

19:26 - Passion Conference Nashville

23:02 - Surrendering

26:55 - Radical Transformation

31:35 - Meeting Ben

34:34 - STD Test

37:12 - Character & Love

39:15 - Coincidence or God?

41:11 - How Has Your Life Changed?

42:52 - What to Add to Popular?

44:23 - Tindell's Contact Info

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I went down that path very hard,
very fast.

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I got all the things I thought I
wanted, became popular.

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I had the boyfriend, I had the
big, big friend group.

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I was also credibly addicted to
alcohol and then later drugs,

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credibly unhappy.
I went through periods of

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00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:18,120
depression and suicide.
You know, I ended up doing the

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00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:20,920
things I said I would never do
and I didn't get any closer to

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00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:24,080
feeling accepted or loved.
Welcome to When you Look where

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00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:28,080
ordinary people share their
extraordinary experiences and

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00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:30,360
you get to decide was it
coincidence?

11
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Or God Tyndall Baldwin, welcome
to When You Look.

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00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:40,880
Thanks, I'm glad to be here.
We are super, super, super

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pumped.
You have an incredible story to

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tell with all kinds of really
interesting ups and downs and

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sideways twists and turns and
all of that.

16
00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:54,840
But before we jump in, tell us a
little bit about yourself.

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00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:59,920
Yeah, absolutely.
OK, so yes, you have you have my

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book.
So I'm an author long time ago.

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My oldest is 13 and popular came
out when she was in diapers.

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So I love that God continues to
bring opportunities like this

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when it feels like, you know,
that's something in the past.

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But I am a mom of four, married
for almost 17 years to my

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college sweetheart been.
And yeah, so most days I am at

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home taking care of the kids.
I kind of work part time writing

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and actually podcast producing.
So this is just fun.

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I get to have and that God keeps
bringing my way.

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But yeah.
Oh, and I'm in Atlanta, GA.

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OK, great.
Yeah, thanks for all that

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insight.
The book, everybody that's

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listening, we're going to link
to it, of course, but it's

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called Popular Booze Boys and
Jesus, right?

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Yes, Yep.
OK, yeah, awesome.

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And folks, I have read the book
and I can tell you it is a doozy

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in the best possible sense.
So it is packed with wisdom,

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wisdom coming from Jesus, wisdom
coming from a lifetime of

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experience.
And man, there was many a time

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as I read this that not only
could I relate to a lot of it,

38
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but that I was also in tears as
I read it.

39
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So for those of you listening,
check it out.

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You're going to essentially get
a little bit of a preview as

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Tyndall and I kind of explore
some of the arc of her life.

42
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So let's do exactly that.
Give us a little bit of back

43
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story, sort of where does, where
does popular in a way begin for

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you in life and walk us through
things.

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Yeah, OK, so I was raised here
in Georgia, honestly about 15

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minutes from where I currently
live.

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And I was born into a big
family.

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I am the third of four.
I have three brothers.

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And honestly, like great family
situation, great childhood.

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Like there's there was no like
trauma hiccups or I mean, really

51
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it was just kind of like the all
American dream.

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Loved my family and then kind of
teenage years hit and being the

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third, I kind of was looking
around and didn't know where I

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fit in.
Faith was a huge part of my

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family's upbringing.
We went to a local church, we

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were there on Wednesdays, we
were there on Sundays.

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My parents were the Bible study
teachers and my dad actually

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spoke at the youth group and my
brother was the worship leader.

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So church was deeply entrenched
in every part of our family.

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My parents lived it out as well
as taught it.

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And I kind of just didn't know
where I fit.

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I think it's a little bit of
like the just the middle child

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center of my feel like I'm like
watching my middles going like,

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are you going to is it hard
because it is as a middle child

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in a big family, you know, you,
you do kind of look around.

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You're like, where do I fit in
here?

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And for me, faith was something
my family did, But I wouldn't

68
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say I was like sold out to the
Lord at an early age.

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00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:07,440
Like my oldest is 13 and I watch
her and how she carries herself

70
00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:10,680
and what she wants, what she's
interested in and she she truly

71
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loves the Lord at an early age.
Praise Jesus.

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I have three others that are
still undecided.

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So it's not parenting, sadly,
it's just when God captures them

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when they're ready to surrender,
really.

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And so I was not ready to
surrender at an early age.

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What I honestly wanted, which is
why the book is entitled This is

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I wanted popularity.
I wanted what it looked like it

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could give me, which was like
stupid things, but the things

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that are important when you're
1415 popularity, a boyfriend, a

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friend group.
I wanted to be included.

81
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I want to be invited to the
parties.

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My brothers are also
overachievers still to this day,

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Great, great overachievers.
But like one of my brothers is

84
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42 and still running 100 mile
marathons.

85
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He's like the Uber athlete.
And then another brother, very

86
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:06,560
famous worship leader.
And then my youngest brother's

87
00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:09,960
also an incredible singer and
talented.

88
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So I was kind of like, hey, I'm
not, I don't sing, I don't do

89
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sports.
I just didn't really know where

90
00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:17,840
I fit.
And I thought if I could be

91
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popular, I would feel a kind of
OK not fitting in my family.

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I would feel like I had a place.
And again, it wasn't anything my

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family did.
They were not, they were not

94
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pushing me to be anybody but me.
So yeah, that was kind of my a

95
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run away a little bit from the
church.

96
00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:39,920
I kind of decided I was done.
I wrote a goodbye letter to God.

97
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I think I was either 14 or 15.
But I was like, you know, I

98
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looked at God like Santa Claus
and I talk about this in the

99
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book.
But I was like, you know, you're

100
00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:49,960
not giving me what I want.
I've written you.

101
00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:52,320
I told you what I want.
You're not giving it to me.

102
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I'm out.
I'm going to go find it myself.

103
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And so I really just kind of
chased what I saw on TV that

104
00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:05,000
looked so appealing and what
Satan really does lure you in

105
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:06,480
with.
It's like, oh, you'll feel good

106
00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:07,560
about yourself.
If.

107
00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:10,720
Yeah.
So I went, I mean, I went down

108
00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:14,960
that path very hard, very fast.
I got all the things I thought I

109
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:19,240
wanted.
You know, I became popular, had

110
00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:21,480
the boyfriend.
I had the big, big friend group.

111
00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:26,080
I was also credibly addicted to
alcohol and then later drugs,

112
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:30,200
incredibly unhappy, went through
periods of depression and

113
00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:33,720
suicide.
You know, I ended up doing the

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things I said I would never do
and I didn't get any closer to

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00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:40,640
feeling accepted or loved.
So that's like the kind of the

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overarch of the book and kind of
what what, what pushed me away

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from faith.
Yeah, and one of the phrases

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that you used was often wrong,
but never in doubt.

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Tell us about that.
Yeah, Well, that's actually my

120
00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:05,400
husband assigned me that phrase
because, well, we heard it at

121
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:07,440
church when we were buried.
But it is true.

122
00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:09,160
And it was true from a very
young age.

123
00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:12,920
I was like very headstrong, very
committed to whatever I was

124
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doing.
So again, when I ran away from

125
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the Lord and ran towards, I was
all in.

126
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And it didn't, it didn't really
matter that it didn't seem to be

127
00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:25,280
working out.
Yeah, it it.

128
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I just was, I was, I was bent
on, you know, running into the

129
00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:32,520
door over and over again instead
of using the handle.

130
00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:37,160
Yeah.
And, and again, I'm not trying

131
00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:40,480
to pile on with this, but in the
book you were talking about how

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if you were sort of using the
parallel of a sheep here, if

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your, if your coat wasn't white,
if you were going to be the

134
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black sheep, essentially, you
might as well dye it as black as

135
00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:53,400
you could, sort of what you
described.

136
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:56,400
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
I was like, well, I can't fit in

137
00:07:56,400 --> 00:08:01,160
to my family in my in my head.
And again now as a much more

138
00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:04,760
mature Christian, I think Satan
probably was telling me you

139
00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:06,520
don't fit in here.
That's a lie.

140
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:11,120
I do fit in, but I, I felt like
it was true.

141
00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:14,560
And so especially feelings are
so powerful, right?

142
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:17,480
We have teenagers and when
you're a teenager, it's like

143
00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:19,960
everything's either amazing or
the end of the world.

144
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:23,440
And it was the, you know, the
end of my world not having

145
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popularity.
And boy, you know, the things

146
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,200
that I thought.
And I think, you know, culture

147
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:32,760
does a great job of selling you
a lie.

148
00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,720
And I think it's, it's way
harder now because there's

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00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:38,320
social media and there's so many
examples of, of people that look

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00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:42,200
so happy, right?
And if you just get XYZ, you'll,

151
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:45,120
you'll be great.
And I think what I found, but

152
00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:49,240
was very unwilling to admit was
by the end of high school, I I

153
00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:53,960
was unhappier than I had ever
been and and heartbroken from

154
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:57,880
really poor decisions.
I had made a dating and really

155
00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:02,080
left high school like so
embarrassed of what I had done

156
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,680
in four years and so ready to
start over.

157
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:07,560
So grateful for the chance to
start over.

158
00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:09,600
In fact, most people told my
parents.

159
00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:12,320
My parents are an incredible
example of just the love of

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00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:13,600
Christ.
I think the only reason I

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00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:17,360
actually ended up back at the
feet of Jesus is because of my

162
00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:22,080
family, ironically enough, But I
mean, everyone told my parents

163
00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:24,280
don't let her go to Auburn, like
she won't live.

164
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,200
And and they honestly had a
reason to fear.

165
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:30,480
And I asked my dad later, I'm
like, how did you send me to

166
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:34,080
college without fear?
I would have if it was my kid, I

167
00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:38,040
would have been so afraid.
And he was like, I don't fear

168
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because I know who my savior is.
He was like, why would you worry

169
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about the sun coming up
tomorrow?

170
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He was like, God had you.
I believed that and he had a

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plan for you.
And I was like, well, that

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really puts my faith in
perspective.

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00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:57,040
Well, color in a little bit more
as to what you were just saying,

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00:09:57,040 --> 00:10:00,600
meaning that your parents kind
of had in your mind, especially

175
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:04,920
now, right reason to really fear
you leaving high school and then

176
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going to a large prominent
college, right?

177
00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:11,480
So give folks a little bit more
in terms of like what was

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happening in high school and
maybe even begin to bring this

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00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:18,800
into a spring break trip to a
Caribbean island.

180
00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:22,960
Yeah, so I would say junior, I
would say freshman and sophomore

181
00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:25,160
year of high school, I really
kind of maintained.

182
00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,520
I kind of got what I wanted.
It worked for a while.

183
00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:29,960
Like I was happy.
I was invited to all the

184
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:31,600
parties, I had all these
friends.

185
00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:33,760
It was all, it was all just kind
of fun and games.

186
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:37,840
And then I started dating
somebody seriously junior year

187
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and you know, it's like the the
mountaintop before the

188
00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:44,680
crashdown.
So, yeah, I started dating

189
00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:48,600
somebody junior year and I
always said like I would do so

190
00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:50,320
funny how you justify things in
high school.

191
00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:52,280
But I was like, I'll do drugs
and alcohol, but I won't have

192
00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:54,600
sex because that's really where
things get off the rails.

193
00:10:56,000 --> 00:11:00,160
But ended up sleeping with him
and then being incredibly

194
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:03,760
depressed when we broke up.
Well, and we broke up because I

195
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:07,840
got so drunk I cheated on him.
And that was kind of my like my

196
00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:09,760
MO.
I would just get, I was, I mean,

197
00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:12,840
I was drinking, honestly, it's,
it's amazing.

198
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:16,360
I did live, I was drinking so
much alcohol on a regular basis.

199
00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:21,320
I would say four to five nights
a week straight liquor and then

200
00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:25,840
smoking weed before school.
So I, I mean, I was just a mess.

201
00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:29,720
I mean, my, I would, I remember
coming home one time from a

202
00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:36,120
morning football game, driving
myself home and I was completely

203
00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:38,040
drunk.
And my, me getting home.

204
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My mom has suffered with chronic
illness my whole life or since I

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00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:43,760
was very young, probably four or
five.

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00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:47,040
And she'd asked me to pick my
brother up from church.

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And I was drunk, so I couldn't.
So I just drove home with a

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00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:52,560
friend.
But then when she greeted me at

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00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:54,320
the door, she was like, you
didn't get your brother?

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00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:55,760
And then she smelled alcohol, my
breath.

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00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:59,240
And then, I mean, I proceeded to
think, throw up for the next 12

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00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:00,960
hours.
And it was like that kind of

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00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:02,600
thing over and over again,
right?

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00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:05,320
It was like they'd catch me.
There'd be conversations and

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00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:06,920
consequences.
And we love you.

216
00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:08,240
Why are you doing this to
yourself?

217
00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:12,960
And that was like just that was
probably junior most of junior

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00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:16,000
year.
And then by senior year, I mean,

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00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:19,000
I really was suicidal.
They'd found suicide notes.

220
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,400
They had hidden sleeping
medication from me.

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00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:26,400
Like there was lots of just
signs that like I was ready to

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00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:30,560
be done with my life.
And again, you know, I, I was at

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00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:32,720
Bible study yesterday and Bible
study leaders like, you know,

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00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:36,040
Satan's so great at telling you
God doesn't have a plan for you

225
00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:39,520
and God's holding out on you.
And then as soon as you cross

226
00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:42,480
the line away from God's will
for your life, he tells you, how

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00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:45,280
dare you, you are not worth
living.

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00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:48,200
And it's like, that's exactly
what right he was like, come do

229
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:50,320
this, come have fun.
God's holding out on you.

230
00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:52,440
God's not fun.
You're missing out.

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00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:54,760
So then, you know, you cross the
line and then he's like, I can't

232
00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:56,680
believe that your family's so
ashamed of you.

233
00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:59,480
Like, and that is just how Satan
works.

234
00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:02,560
You know, he, he gives you half
truths and then he'll, he'll,

235
00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:05,640
he'll shut you in a, a hole of
shame so that you never get back

236
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:09,240
to the life God had for you.
So anyway, that was, that was

237
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:10,960
junior year and then start of
senior year.

238
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:14,160
So then senior year, spring
break as spring, we've actually

239
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,440
started taking our kids on
mission trips on spring break

240
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,200
because I said, I'm not even
dealing with spring break.

241
00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:22,120
I'm not doing it.
So spring break, senior year,

242
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:24,960
all my friends are going to
Mexico with like a couple

243
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:28,720
parents, but the, there was a
big parent meeting for this trip

244
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,600
and my parents went to the
meeting to like kind of be like,

245
00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:33,880
well, let's see.
And at the meeting they're like,

246
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,720
well, we're taking them to
Mexico because they so that they

247
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:39,360
can all drink because the
drinking age is 18.

248
00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:42,240
So we just, you know, we just
want them to have a good time.

249
00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:44,640
My parents were kind of like
what?

250
00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:50,600
No, so my dad, my dad was like,
I mean, my dad was so great at I

251
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:53,160
want them to, they were so great
at like they didn't want to ever

252
00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:57,480
lose the relationship with me.
So they really had to tow this

253
00:13:57,480 --> 00:14:00,160
very delicate line of like,
there was consequences, but it

254
00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:03,200
was never the relationship that
was on that was a consequence.

255
00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:07,200
So my dad said, how about I'll
take you and your two best

256
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,160
friends.
One went to my school, one went

257
00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:12,280
to a different school and I'll
take y'all to Aruba.

258
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,200
And my oldest brother was
married.

259
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,840
Him and his wife were coming.
I loved them.

260
00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:19,240
They're always huge influence in
my life.

261
00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:21,440
Both of them.
She knew me from the time I was

262
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:25,920
14 until they're still married.
So she's known me half my life

263
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,960
anyway, so they were coming and
I was kind of like, OK, fine.

264
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:33,680
And my two kind of best friends
were, I would say, decent

265
00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:36,680
influences on my life.
Like I was probably a worse

266
00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:38,720
influence on their life than
they were on mine.

267
00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:42,080
And my parents knew that.
So like, you know, bring them

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00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:43,440
with us.
We went to Aruba.

269
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,880
Well, of course, I mean, we
snuck out because I was, again,

270
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,600
just kind of how I did.
And we went to Carlos and

271
00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:55,200
Charlie's, met boys and then
drove home.

272
00:14:55,440 --> 00:15:00,400
And my mom, when we walked in,
my mom was on the floor praying

273
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,680
on her knees when we walked in
the door.

274
00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:05,080
And you know, I'm a teenager,
right?

275
00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:09,760
I was like, gosh, you overreact.
And then we get back home.

276
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,600
They actually the guy that I had
met came back to the beach the

277
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:14,880
next day and my friend was like,
go out with him.

278
00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:17,200
He seems nice.
I was like, I know I just get a

279
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:20,720
weird vibe from him.
I'm not going to go out with

280
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,480
him.
I don't, you know, I'm anyway,

281
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:25,120
so we didn't, I didn't see him
again the rest of the trip.

282
00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:26,920
I think he emailed me once we
got home.

283
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:30,680
Well, about a month later, my
friend calls me that was on the

284
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:34,000
trip with me screaming turn on
the news, turn on the news, turn

285
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,240
on the news.
I was like, I don't watch the

286
00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:36,560
news.
Why am I turning on the news?

287
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:39,800
We turned on the news and there
is the guy that I had met and

288
00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:43,480
kissed in Aruba as the suspect
in Natalie Holloway's killing.

289
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:51,400
And I was kind of like, what?
Anyway, So she followed that

290
00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:55,120
case very closely.
I wanted really nothing to do

291
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,360
with it.
And I, you know, I just kept

292
00:15:57,360 --> 00:16:02,400
thinking about my mom on her
knees The minute we got home

293
00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:07,280
from me meeting him and asked
her about it later, I was like,

294
00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:10,600
mom, why were you like, I mean,
I did stuff like this all the

295
00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:11,960
time.
They were used to kind of my

296
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,240
shenanigans.
And not that again, not that

297
00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:16,760
they ever allowed it, but they
weren't like ever surprised by

298
00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:19,080
it either.
I was like.

299
00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:21,840
Interesting dichotomy there.
Yeah, right.

300
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:26,680
And I was like, why?
Why were you praying?

301
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:30,840
You know, when I got home and
she said to the Lord woke me up

302
00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:35,200
and told me to pray for you.
And I was like, oh man, it was

303
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:37,320
very sobering.
Very sobering.

304
00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:42,040
Or Nippon.
Or maybe, pun intended.

305
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:48,040
Yeah, I know both.
Wow.

306
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:52,840
OK, So that's spring break
senior year.

307
00:16:53,320 --> 00:17:01,320
So this is now kind of the arc
of high school ending and then

308
00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:04,640
we're off to college, right?
Yep.

309
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:08,720
So then I head to Auburn again,
despite so many of my parents

310
00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:13,040
friends, you know, telling me,
telling the, you know, they just

311
00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:14,640
got.
I don't know how I would handle

312
00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:17,000
it now as a parent.
If one of my daughters was going

313
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,480
through this, I would I'm sure I
would have so much fear.

314
00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:24,240
But they again, I also was very
close in this time, like I said

315
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:28,040
to my oldest brother's wife.
And she did a great job of kind

316
00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:31,840
of not being a mediator, but
just telling my parents like

317
00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:35,800
there's hope, there's hope.
And I would listen to her way

318
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:39,280
more than my parents.
That's just a good plug for

319
00:17:39,360 --> 00:17:42,800
small group leaders, mentors,
people outside of your like your

320
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:45,760
kids need more than you.
And I'm saying this to myself as

321
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:49,080
well.
But so anyway, went off to

322
00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:52,840
Auburn and I kind of realized
like, you know, I'm kind of the

323
00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:56,440
common denominator in all of
this tragedy and trauma in my

324
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:58,520
life.
Like I don't, I never felt like

325
00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:03,280
anyone was doing anything to be.
I felt like I was, I was the

326
00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:05,960
problem.
Like I didn't, I didn't play the

327
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,640
victim card.
To my credit, I very much knew

328
00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:11,720
who was drinking, who was doing
the drugs, who was like, I, I

329
00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:15,880
was, it was me.
I just didn't know what to do

330
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:19,400
about it because I didn't have,
I didn't really believe.

331
00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:22,600
Honestly, I didn't really
believe Jesus wanted to save me

332
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:24,160
anymore.
I kind of thought he was like

333
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:27,120
done with me.
So then I go to college and I

334
00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:29,320
kind of looked around and I was
like, OK, so nobody knows me

335
00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:33,720
here, Nobody knows my family.
I can, I can start over and I'm

336
00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:37,440
going to start over by, OK,
well, I'll stop doing drugs and

337
00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:39,240
I'll stop sleeping with whoever
I'm dating.

338
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,880
That was kind of I was like,
that's my I'll.

339
00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:43,800
I'll make my life like a little
more PG.

340
00:18:46,120 --> 00:18:50,200
And so yeah, anyway, so I and I,
I say this in the book, I like I

341
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:53,000
was not looking for faith.
I was not looking for God, but

342
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,000
I, I do believe he was looking
for me.

343
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:58,160
And my parents were also very
aware of my just like slight

344
00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:00,520
change of heart.
And I even told them I joined a

345
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:03,200
sorority that was different from
all my friends from high school.

346
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:05,040
They all went one way.
I went another way.

347
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:08,520
So I was in a brand new group of
friends and I told my mom I was

348
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,680
like, I'm, you know, I'm going
to actually go, I think, to my

349
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,000
sorority's Bible study.
And she was like, you have to

350
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,240
tell me to sit down before you
stay, stuff like that.

351
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:18,320
So, yeah, I mean, that was kind
of it.

352
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,160
I again, I was not looking for
God.

353
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:23,360
I wasn't attending church.
I was, I was not even dating

354
00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:27,120
Christian men at the time.
I started dating somebody.

355
00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:29,200
We both were kind of like, you
know, what we're doing is not

356
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:32,120
working.
And so actually we both ended up

357
00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:34,000
at the Passion conference.
But anyway, my brother, my

358
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:36,760
oldest brother, who's the
worship leader, one of one of

359
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:40,560
the worship leaders, he, he was
leading at his first Passion

360
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:43,840
conference, which is a, a
Christian conference for college

361
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:46,840
students, and my parents were
like, this is a big deal.

362
00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:49,000
It was his his song He had
written with AI mean.

363
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:52,720
It's a, an old hymn that he had
redone with a good friend of his

364
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:54,720
and they were like, he's going
to be singing it.

365
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:59,600
He was so supportive of me in
the middle of my worst days that

366
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:02,080
I was always like, if he was
singing, I was there and I

367
00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:05,240
that's probably the only time I
went to church was to see him

368
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:08,840
sing.
And had many times that I felt

369
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:11,920
like God was like asking me to
walk towards him.

370
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:14,840
But I was nowhere near ready to
surrender my life.

371
00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:21,240
So I went to the passion
conference and kind of like went

372
00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:23,880
through the motions of the
conference, like attended.

373
00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:36,120
I was sitting with one of my
sister in And then I went to

374
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:41,840
Beth Moore and, and I, I felt
like she was talking to me as

375
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,880
like anybody that's seen Beth
Moore speak, like I think

376
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:45,720
everybody feels that way about
Beth Moore, but she was

377
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:49,040
literally talking about the pit
of sin and how God wants to take

378
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:52,040
issues.
Psalm 40, I think Psalm 40, like

379
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:54,960
lift you out of the pit, put
your feet on solid ground, out

380
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:57,120
of the muck and mire.
And I knew I was like, I'm in

381
00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:59,240
the pit because I jumped in
here.

382
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:03,360
I didn't even just fall.
I jumped full fully knowing

383
00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:06,120
where I was going and I knew I
wasn't going to be able to get

384
00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:07,680
myself out.
I wasn't able to clean up my

385
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:11,160
life and I just kind of let that
marinate.

386
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:14,320
And then that night was the
night my brother was singing

387
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:17,440
Jesus paid it all of all songs.
That was the song I was there to

388
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:20,320
hear him sing.
And I don't even know that he

389
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:25,160
did another song that that
passion, but he came on stage

390
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:27,800
and he's saying and I was like,
I was like, OK, God, I'm in.

391
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:33,320
And I really just completely
surrendered my entire life, my

392
00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:38,720
dating, my drinking, my
everything, my future, my

393
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:41,600
whatever.
I was like, I just was so OK to

394
00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:48,960
lay it all down at his feet.
And so, yeah, that was that.

395
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:51,600
It was a very radical
transformation.

396
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:55,200
And then I had to go back to
Auburn, which is an incredible

397
00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:57,280
school, but it's it's not a
Christian School.

398
00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,560
And I had definitely not
entrenched myself in a Christian

399
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:02,560
world.
So went back to Auburn and very

400
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:07,320
much had to wrestle with my
salvation, wrestle through what

401
00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:09,840
did faith look like?
What does surrender really look

402
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:12,120
like?
What does what does God ask of

403
00:22:12,120 --> 00:22:18,720
me as a 20 year old?
How do I date as a 20 year old?

404
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:22,720
That has been, you know, I, I'd
never dated anyone that wanted

405
00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:27,720
anything but something from me.
So anyway, that's that is

406
00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:32,920
there's a lot after that.
Hey, it's Mick real quick before

407
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:36,120
we keep going, if this
conversation is meaningful for

408
00:22:36,120 --> 00:22:39,480
you, do me a favor.
Tap subscribe so you don't miss

409
00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:42,920
the awesome stuff coming next.
And if you've gotten even one

410
00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:45,920
insight from this episode,
please hit the like button.

411
00:22:46,120 --> 00:22:49,680
It's a small thing, but it helps
this reach more people who might

412
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:52,760
need it.
Last thing, think of one person

413
00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:54,400
in your life who would benefit
from this.

414
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:57,320
Just one.
Share it with them right now.

415
00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:00,000
That's how this grows person to
person.

416
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:04,680
All right.
Back to it, give us a sense for

417
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:12,240
how you got to the point in that
song, in that moment where

418
00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:15,080
you're like, OK, God, I'm all
in.

419
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:20,160
Because you mentioned some other
times where you felt like he was

420
00:23:20,360 --> 00:23:25,080
inviting you right, to come
towards him and you were like,

421
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:26,800
no Sir, not.
Happy.

422
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:31,000
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I, I think that's one of

423
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,560
the cooler things about a
relationship with God is like,

424
00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:36,000
it's never forced.
It's always an invitation.

425
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:41,000
And I don't really know why my
heart was open except for that I

426
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:45,960
had reflected enough on my life
to know that I I wasn't able to

427
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:48,840
make it work you.
I mean, I looked around enough

428
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:51,040
and and I'd gotten all the
things I thought would make me

429
00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:54,200
happy, and I'm still unhappy.
You know, I had dated who I

430
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:56,240
thought I wanted to date it, and
I was broken hearted.

431
00:23:56,280 --> 00:24:00,120
I had, you know, gone to all the
parties and I was still lonely.

432
00:24:00,120 --> 00:24:03,240
Like I was just all the things
that I was actually searching

433
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:06,040
for, I knew I was not going to
find.

434
00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:09,800
I didn't actually know how I was
going to find them inside my

435
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:13,680
relationship with God, but I
knew I couldn't figure it out.

436
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:17,040
Does that make sense?
It totally does.

437
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:21,640
You essentially got to the point
of realizing this is beyond me.

438
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:28,000
I tried it all of these
different it's and I can't fill

439
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,360
myself.
I can't create the love that

440
00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:34,320
I've been seeking, so I'll try
God.

441
00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:39,320
Yeah, well, and really, Beth
Moore was like the perfect Tia

442
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:44,000
for the worship because her
message, first of all, it was

443
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,120
out of such humility.
And she was so honest about

444
00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:49,200
where she had been.
And I, I think it's one of the

445
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:52,120
reasons I wanted to share where
I had been, because when

446
00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:54,160
someone's really honest and
they're broken and they're like,

447
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:56,880
listen, I know what it's like to
be in the pit.

448
00:24:56,920 --> 00:25:00,680
I know that you feel trapped in
your sin because I think a lot

449
00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:03,760
of it, too, when God's calling
us out of something, it's not

450
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,240
that we don't want to get out,
it's that we don't know how.

451
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:11,200
And I have very much felt that
at some other, like, you know,

452
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:14,240
other times listening to my
brother Singer attending worship

453
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:17,000
stuff, I would feel like, yeah,
that sounds great.

454
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,200
God, yeah, you want me.
You love me.

455
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:22,400
I don't know how to leave the
life I'm living.

456
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:28,280
And so I think the culmination
of starting over at college and

457
00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:31,040
college just being really a
fresh start for me.

458
00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:33,640
And again, I think this is where
my parents were so wise and

459
00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:37,040
listen to the Lord over the
voices outside of our house

460
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:39,920
because it did not make sense on
paper for me to go to Auburn.

461
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:44,680
But they felt such peace.
And I really, I think I don't

462
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:47,680
know that I would have gotten, I
would have gotten to Jesus as

463
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:52,960
fast as I did had I had I not
been in that environment of just

464
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:55,160
like no one knows me, I get to
start over.

465
00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:58,600
Who do I actually want to be?
So, yeah.

466
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:01,560
And I mean, my, my dad says this
still like we actually work

467
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:05,040
together now, which is so fun.
And he we were talking together

468
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:07,280
and he was saying, you know, I
was telling about something

469
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:10,080
going on with one of my kids.
And he was like, Tyndall, your

470
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:13,160
convictions are not going to be
your kids convictions.

471
00:26:14,120 --> 00:26:17,160
And I was like, that really
stinks.

472
00:26:17,360 --> 00:26:20,920
And it's true.
Yeah, right, 'cause you can look

473
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:24,080
at your life and like, yeah, I
did not do it the way you were

474
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:27,080
convicted and.
Now you're like, hey, I'm

475
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:30,840
convicted of these amazing
things and oh, I do.

476
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:34,040
Not want my kids to make
mistakes similar or remotely

477
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:36,600
close to what I did.
Yes, yes.

478
00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:40,240
So.
But my dad knew I had to get to

479
00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:42,960
the point where these were my
convictions, right?

480
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,680
I couldn't carry a faith out
that wasn't my own.

481
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:50,720
I was willing, you know, I mean,
yeah, I was Will.

482
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:54,800
I was willing to surrender.
I was probably broken too.

483
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:59,000
Yeah, I want, I want to, I want
to come to this point here real

484
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:04,720
quick, where in the book he said
something that was just

485
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:07,240
hilarious to me.
You said I didn't have a

486
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:11,120
relationship with God.
I had with the God I had talked

487
00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:14,520
so adamantly about just an
understanding of who he was in

488
00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:18,000
other people's lives.
For me God was a trend and I

489
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:22,720
followed until I turned 15 and
then like squirts went out of

490
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:24,480
style.
Now I'd like.

491
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:28,840
That you know.
What I mean, but I could also

492
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:32,520
very much relate to that growing
up in a Christian household

493
00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:36,800
similar to much less prolific in
terms of what they, you know,

494
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:40,760
I've done.
I mean Jesus, but nevertheless.

495
00:27:42,120 --> 00:27:47,960
And so now you're at this point
of complete surrender and you

496
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:51,120
use the phrase radical
transformation.

497
00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:59,280
So describe some of that for us.
Yeah, I mean, well, I it was

498
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:02,840
radical because I mean, I
literally the boyfriend I was

499
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:06,840
dating walking into passion, we
broke up walking out.

500
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:10,640
I mean, and and and it wasn't
even, it was just like we knew

501
00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:13,520
we were no good for each other
and and he became a Christian

502
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:17,240
and and did great things and but
it was just like we both do.

503
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:19,800
No.
And then friends I was hanging

504
00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:23,000
out with, I knew they're not
going to influence me in the way

505
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,560
I want to be influenced.
So it's like, and it wasn't that

506
00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:28,160
I cut off all relationships.
I more had to move things to the

507
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:31,040
outer circle.
And honestly, I had to be lonely

508
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:34,280
for a while.
I would say I spent about a year

509
00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:39,400
of college praying for friends.
I would, yeah.

510
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:43,080
I mean, and I was in a sorority
known for partying.

511
00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:47,120
Like I had joined a sorority
that was very, very wild on

512
00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:49,920
purpose because that's what I
was looking looking for when I

513
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:54,520
got went into college.
And so I had to figure out, I

514
00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:57,840
ended up being the chaplain and
being in charge of standards,

515
00:28:57,840 --> 00:28:59,760
which is basically like
everyone's mom.

516
00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:02,520
Nobody likes you.
My mom thought it was

517
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:04,280
hysterical.
I mean, she thought it was the

518
00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:06,640
funniest thing ever.
But I was, I mean, I was like

519
00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:07,560
irony.
Is.

520
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:08,720
Thick.
The irony.

521
00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:11,560
Yeah, is so thick.
I mean, God has such a sense of

522
00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:13,280
humor.
I would walk into parties and

523
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:15,120
people would lower their red
Solo cups.

524
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:19,400
I'm like, I mean, it was just,
yeah, so radical in the sense of

525
00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:21,640
I was a completely different
person.

526
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:25,000
But also still, just because I
was a different person than me,

527
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:26,880
I didn't struggle with all the
same things.

528
00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:30,640
So then I came home from college
and had to work through God.

529
00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:32,320
Are you really calling me to be
sober?

530
00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:35,760
Because like, you know, you
drank wine and what's the line?

531
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:40,240
And you know, so I had to
struggle through, no, no, God

532
00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:43,680
doesn't want something from me,
he or he, not even that.

533
00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:46,320
God wants something for me.
He wasn't keeping me.

534
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:50,280
He was keeping me from pain.
He wasn't keeping me from fun.

535
00:29:50,560 --> 00:29:56,960
And so I had to wrestle with him
and fail, which I, I talk about

536
00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:58,400
that in the book.
Coming home from college is

537
00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:00,480
really hard because I, I was
just back with all my high

538
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:04,880
school friends and I ended up
going and living with my oldest

539
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:08,440
brother at a Christian camp for
the second-half of summer

540
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:10,360
because I was like, I can't be
here.

541
00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:13,800
I don't, I, but I was, again, I
was so willing to do whatever it

542
00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:17,320
took to be, to be faithful to
God.

543
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:21,000
You know, I got back to college,
started dating somebody and

544
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:23,880
realized like this is not still
not going well, I'm not.

545
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:25,320
So there's something I'm not
getting.

546
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:29,320
And then our pastor back at
home, I went back for a weekend.

547
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:31,480
Our pastor was talking about
dating and he was like, if you

548
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:34,480
have been in a series of bad
relationships, you need to take

549
00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:36,640
a year off dating.
And I was like, oh, come on,

550
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:39,240
God, a whole year.
But I did.

551
00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:41,360
I was like, I'm going to take a
whole year off dating and then

552
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:43,840
met my husband six months into
the year.

553
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:48,560
So didn't make it the full year,
but those six months changed

554
00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:51,720
what I was looking for, who I
was.

555
00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:55,520
I was willing to be alone.
Like I didn't, I didn't end up

556
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:57,360
dating some people I probably
would have dated.

557
00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:02,840
I was so OK not doing it my way
because I knew it wouldn't work.

558
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:07,600
So that's, yeah, that was kind
of the the radical and for and

559
00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:10,720
to be in college and to be
asking God, what do you want

560
00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:14,280
from me?
It's not an easy time to be

561
00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:19,440
doing that.
Yeah, I can fully relate to

562
00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:21,640
that.
So.

563
00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:24,440
Thank you for laying all of this
out.

564
00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:28,680
And and folks, there's so much
more in the book like this is

565
00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:33,840
we're scratching the surface and
it's all rich and the depth in

566
00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:39,880
the book is just even richer.
So you're six months in to your

567
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:46,880
dating hiatus and you meet, you
see, I'll just leave it at that.

568
00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:49,560
And you take it from there.
You see somebody.

569
00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:53,720
So tell us the story of meeting
Dad.

570
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:59,680
Yes, so I had gone with a friend
and he knew very clearly we were

571
00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:04,000
just friends to like a a
fraternity date night thing with

572
00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:08,480
a group of people.
And while it was there, I

573
00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:11,760
literally looked just looked
across the room and saw Ben,

574
00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:15,040
who's now my husband and he same
thing like locked eyes, which

575
00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:18,280
him and I are drastically
different people, as God always

576
00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:21,720
does bring together.
I'm like super extrovert,

577
00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:25,800
probably talk to everybody.
He is he is an introvert, you

578
00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:28,320
know, more reserved.
He's an engineer, I'm a writer.

579
00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:30,560
Like we're just very, very, you
know, different.

580
00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:33,760
So the fact that we even met
that night truly is a miracle.

581
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:37,960
But I mean, his opening, I was
literally waiting in line to the

582
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:40,680
bathroom and his opening line to
me was like long line to the

583
00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:43,040
bathroom, which we've and I
said, I know, right?

584
00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:47,480
And that was like how we ended
up talking and my kids love

585
00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:50,200
every time I'm walking to the
bathroom, I'd be like long line

586
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:54,800
to the bathroom.
I think it's hysterical because

587
00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:57,200
they're like, dad, what a
terrible pick up line.

588
00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:01,560
And he was like, I never, I
never actually tried a pick up

589
00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:07,720
line on a girl.
So we, we ended up talking just

590
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:10,000
like sharing life stories kind
of that night.

591
00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:11,840
And then he called me and asked
me out.

592
00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:13,640
This is the good old days where
people still called you and

593
00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:16,240
asked you out.
But he called me and asked me

594
00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:18,920
out the next week.
We went on a date Tuesday and

595
00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:21,480
went to like a college ministry
that we were both attending

596
00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:23,880
together.
And then really the rest is

597
00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:25,200
history.
Got married a year and a half

598
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:28,720
later.
But yeah, I did not tell him I

599
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:30,720
was, I was doing a year off of
dating.

600
00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:35,600
And honestly, like I felt total
freedom from God to not tell him

601
00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:37,600
that.
And honestly, he probably would

602
00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:39,000
have.
He probably would have been

603
00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:41,040
like, OK, that's fine, we can
wait six months.

604
00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:45,480
But but yeah, so we started
dating and he again, very

605
00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:50,360
different story than mine, only
dated a few people, really loved

606
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:52,400
the Lord from an early age and
stuck to it.

607
00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:56,480
Not, not that he didn't have his
own story, but so he had been

608
00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:59,320
praying for his wife.
And then, you know, when it was

609
00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:01,960
me, it was a little bit of a
surprise, I think, because my

610
00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:07,480
story was so different than his.
But he was so gracious.

611
00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:10,320
And yeah.
And our, our dating was honestly

612
00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:12,920
amazing.
And I'm so, so grateful I had

613
00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:18,040
the time away from dating to
know what I wasn't willing, like

614
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:20,360
I wasn't willing to compromise
on certain things.

615
00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:23,520
And I mean, he he was, he wasn't
either.

616
00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:27,159
So it was a great our dating
story was just honestly a really

617
00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:31,400
incredible 1 compared to the
other relationships I had been

618
00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:32,880
in.
Yeah.

619
00:34:34,719 --> 00:34:43,560
Tell us though, if you don't
mind about the the conversation

620
00:34:43,639 --> 00:34:47,120
that you and me have.
Not that long, not that many

621
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:52,679
months before the wedding and
things that had to flow from

622
00:34:52,679 --> 00:34:54,159
that.
'Cause.

623
00:34:54,159 --> 00:34:57,840
This is real light.
Yeah, well, and I, it's real

624
00:34:57,840 --> 00:35:00,760
life in the sense that you don't
get to I, you know, I think it's

625
00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:04,160
a little crazy that everybody
thinks, you know, I'll just live

626
00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:06,280
how I want to live and then I'll
clean up my life when I want to

627
00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:09,720
get married.
And that isn't how it works

628
00:35:09,720 --> 00:35:13,680
because you take whatever you
had before into marriage.

629
00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:19,480
So when we met, yes, I, I'd had
to tell him, hey, I, I, I have

630
00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:24,400
not waited for my husband.
And not only that, like I had to

631
00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:27,720
get an STD test before our or we
got married and I had like,

632
00:35:27,720 --> 00:35:30,760
there was just so many or not
complications.

633
00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:34,560
There was so many consequences
to a, a life that I, I was so

634
00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:37,000
just ready to wash away and be
like that.

635
00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:41,280
Yes, that's my past, but it was,
it came into my future whether I

636
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:44,640
wanted it to or not.
And I mean, thank the Lord, my

637
00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:48,240
parents were so good about I
went to counselling, you know, I

638
00:35:48,240 --> 00:35:50,920
did not, I did not just like
kind of brush it under the rug

639
00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:52,600
and say like, OK, well, that's
the past now.

640
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:54,880
And I'll just never think about
it again because that wouldn't

641
00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:57,440
have worked.
And honestly, writing popular,

642
00:35:57,440 --> 00:36:02,360
we, I, I started writing popular
six months into our marriage and

643
00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:07,000
that was incredibly hard and
cathartic because I, I kind of

644
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:09,320
had to open up all those old
wounds.

645
00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:13,600
I took journal entries from I, I
had always been writing and I

646
00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:16,480
had journals from the high
school and I had to take, you

647
00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:19,880
know, I just, I had to dig
through all those pieces of my

648
00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:23,120
past and be like, what's still
in here?

649
00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:26,160
Like what, what do I still have
stored in here that I need to

650
00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:29,080
get rid of?
And so writing popular was

651
00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:32,560
honestly in a great way of kind
of putting it all out on the

652
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:36,600
table and then being like also
closing the book on it and

653
00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:40,880
saying, OK, that is my past now.
I am a new creation in Christ.

654
00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:44,920
This is no longer who I am.
So yeah, there was, there's

655
00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:51,400
definitely some not fun parts
about yeah, just, you know,

656
00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:55,480
coming out of that season of my
life, even though I really did

657
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:59,920
believe God had made me new you,
you still are the same person

658
00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:07,080
even if you are a new creation.
Yeah, and it's such a a tricky,

659
00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:10,400
tricky way to explain that in a
lot of ways, you know, But I can

660
00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:17,280
not 100% relate to that.
So let's just talk briefly here

661
00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:24,920
about what you framed up in the
book about character, but also

662
00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:32,120
about how you began to look at
love through the lens of First

663
00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:38,720
Corinthians 13, and how you seem
to look at it completely

664
00:37:38,720 --> 00:37:41,800
differently than how you would
kind of previously heard that

665
00:37:41,800 --> 00:37:48,400
scripture.
Yeah, I think honestly, my

666
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:51,920
parents would did a great job
modeling unconditional love like

667
00:37:51,920 --> 00:37:55,720
when I was growing up because
they they loved me when I was my

668
00:37:55,720 --> 00:37:59,600
most unlovable and they loved me
without getting anything in

669
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:01,880
return.
And then when I was in the world

670
00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:05,520
and living that way, it was very
much like your performance

671
00:38:05,520 --> 00:38:08,720
equals your love.
So how you perform is the amount

672
00:38:08,720 --> 00:38:10,960
of love you get back.
And that, yeah, it was like

673
00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:13,040
there there's lots of
transformations of love

674
00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:16,200
throughout my life, honestly.
And then with getting married

675
00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:19,920
and meeting somebody who had to
decide to love me, even when,

676
00:38:21,720 --> 00:38:25,040
you know, I had the story, he
maybe didn't want it just

677
00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:28,320
honestly gave me such great
glimpses of how God loved me.

678
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:30,680
And then honestly, becoming a
parent, I feel like I

679
00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:34,520
experienced God's love, an
entirely new way of, of being.

680
00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:38,520
Like I love this child and
they've done nothing for me.

681
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:42,480
Like I just the minute I held
them, I'm like, you're mine.

682
00:38:42,720 --> 00:38:46,320
I will love you forever.
And I did when I, I gave birth

683
00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:51,680
to my first born, I remember God
whispering to me, this is how I

684
00:38:51,680 --> 00:38:54,280
love you.
And it was just, she had, she

685
00:38:54,280 --> 00:39:00,160
had done nothing but cry, right?
And I just instantly was like, I

686
00:39:00,160 --> 00:39:01,520
would die for you.
Like.

687
00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:10,160
So yeah, he he's done a great
thing in in giving me a new

688
00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:15,000
picture of love in each season.
Yeah, praise God.

689
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:19,000
Well, Tyndall, we're going to
land this plane here.

690
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:23,480
I feel like we could spend hours
talking, genuinely, genuinely

691
00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:28,040
enjoying this.
But we've got we've got so many

692
00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:33,200
different pieces in here and
I'll just highlight, you know, a

693
00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:36,080
handful of them.
You know, your mom being

694
00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:43,440
awakened, awakened in the middle
of the night in an incredibly

695
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:46,840
with you in an incredibly
precarious position situation,

696
00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:50,000
etcetera.
She's praying for you, right?

697
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:56,560
You end up in a fraternity,
sorry, a sorority that has a lot

698
00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:59,240
more going on from the Christian
standpoint than perhaps some of

699
00:39:59,240 --> 00:40:01,720
the other ones.
And you just like, there's just

700
00:40:01,720 --> 00:40:05,960
so many different pieces here.
And then even in a dating

701
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:10,800
hiatus, you meet your now
husband, right?

702
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:16,440
And at a moment when you're or,
or in a period in your life when

703
00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:21,640
you're very much maybe seeking
God to some extent, right?

704
00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:25,480
He is there when you surrender.
So.

705
00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:31,800
So many pieces.
Are those coincidence or God?

706
00:40:33,120 --> 00:40:36,760
Oh, I think they're 100% God.
Honestly, there was never a

707
00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:42,160
doubt in my mind or I was never
skeptic of his hand in my life.

708
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:44,600
There was just, it was just too
clear.

709
00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:47,960
And again, I think I, I have
said this to people before, I'm

710
00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:50,240
like, if you don't believe in
God, just start writing your

711
00:40:50,240 --> 00:40:52,840
story.
You will all the sudden uncover

712
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:55,640
little pieces that you didn't
even realize.

713
00:40:56,640 --> 00:40:59,000
You know, it might have felt
like coincidence or might have

714
00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:02,160
just felt like, oh, how
interesting.

715
00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:05,440
But they're not like they are
intentional pieces of God

716
00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:11,760
calling you home.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

717
00:41:14,240 --> 00:41:18,880
Tell us, how has your life
changed as a result of all of

718
00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:22,920
this?
Yeah, I, I mean, I don't think I

719
00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:27,120
would have any of the life I
have had I not met Jesus when I

720
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:29,960
was 19.
I mean, yeah, marrying my

721
00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:32,080
husband would have definitely
been out of the picture.

722
00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:36,960
But I mean, honestly, even just
where we are with our four kids,

723
00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:39,720
getting to raise them to know
and love the Lord.

724
00:41:40,040 --> 00:41:43,880
And again, that's their choice
and they have to decide their

725
00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:46,960
faith is their own.
But just getting, having a

726
00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:49,880
structure of knowing that this
is something that is of the

727
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:54,160
utmost value to me.
And just getting, I mean, I have

728
00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:56,240
incredible relationship with all
my family.

729
00:41:56,240 --> 00:41:59,800
I'm, I'm very close to all three
of my brothers, very close to my

730
00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:02,440
parents.
I work with my dad.

731
00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:05,480
I mean, we, we really are like
one big happy family.

732
00:42:05,480 --> 00:42:09,040
Like our happiest time is when
we're all together and that is

733
00:42:09,040 --> 00:42:11,600
all God like.
And, and our, our family story

734
00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:14,440
has been nowhere near perfect,
even outside of my own.

735
00:42:14,720 --> 00:42:20,040
But God is God is a Redeemer and
like, he redeems everything.

736
00:42:20,040 --> 00:42:23,600
So even years, you know, like my
story getting to sit here and

737
00:42:23,600 --> 00:42:27,080
talk to you like that is God's
goodness that he took something.

738
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:30,640
I mean, I, I used to sign all my
emails with Genesis 5020.

739
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:33,880
Like what you meant for harm.
God is using for the saving of

740
00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:37,280
many lives and God can do that.
And I believe God can deal with

741
00:42:37,280 --> 00:42:39,320
anyone's story.
All you have to do is be

742
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:41,640
willing.
I think he is always looking for

743
00:42:41,640 --> 00:42:44,200
people open to using pain for
his glory.

744
00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:48,560
So yeah, I don't nothing there.
There is not an aspect of my

745
00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:51,480
life I have now that I would
have had had I continued away

746
00:42:51,480 --> 00:42:54,280
from the Lord.
Well, I would say one final

747
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:56,680
question for you Tyndall,
because you're now more than a

748
00:42:56,680 --> 00:43:03,320
decade out from writing popular
and as you mentioned, the book

749
00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:08,080
was published when you were
oldest who's now 13 was six

750
00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:11,920
months old, right.
So lots of life has evolved for

751
00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:17,640
you, so much more experience now
as a parent of four kiddos.

752
00:43:18,080 --> 00:43:23,000
So what, if anything, do you
want to add based off of the

753
00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:26,840
life that you've led and the
experiences that you've had post

754
00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:31,120
writing popular?
Yeah, I think all I would add is

755
00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:34,560
just like maintain influence
with your kids at any cost.

756
00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:38,600
And that to me, when I say
maintain influence, we actually

757
00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:40,200
talk about this a lot, my dad
and I.

758
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:42,720
But maintaining influence
doesn't start with them

759
00:43:42,720 --> 00:43:44,560
following what you want for
them.

760
00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:48,040
It starts with you choosing to
love them no matter where they

761
00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:50,640
are.
And so that would be if I could

762
00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:53,800
just add an asterisk at the end
of my story, it would be

763
00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:56,160
maintain influence of their
children.

764
00:43:56,160 --> 00:44:00,240
There is there is no there is
nobody you will have more

765
00:44:00,240 --> 00:44:01,680
influence with than your
children.

766
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:04,320
And there is nobody who starts
their story anywhere.

767
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:08,760
But I was raised in a family
that so we all get to decide how

768
00:44:08,760 --> 00:44:11,760
they finish that sentence.
We can't decide if they follow

769
00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:14,280
Jesus.
We can't decide really anything

770
00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:17,440
else about their life, but we
can decide how they finish that

771
00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:21,000
sentence.
Yeah, wow.

772
00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:25,240
Really.
Well said, Tyndall.

773
00:44:25,240 --> 00:44:30,240
How can people get a hold of you
in terms of your writing beyond

774
00:44:30,240 --> 00:44:32,640
just popular and the other work
that you're doing?

775
00:44:32,640 --> 00:44:36,640
How can they stay up to date on
all things related to Tinder?

776
00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:39,960
Baldwin.
My Instagram's probably the best

777
00:44:39,960 --> 00:44:41,560
way.
It's at Tyndall Grace.

778
00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:46,800
I put some, I put writing up
there occasionally and my dad

779
00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:49,400
and I do a podcast actually
every now and then together.

780
00:44:49,400 --> 00:44:51,040
So I put that up there whenever
we do.

781
00:44:52,360 --> 00:44:56,040
Once and we'll make sure we link
to the book so that people can

782
00:44:56,040 --> 00:44:58,400
get that as well.
And we'll put all those

783
00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:01,480
instrument handles and
everything else in the show

784
00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:04,560
notes in the description.
So really appreciate it,

785
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:06,160
Tyndall.
Thanks, Mick.

786
00:45:06,200 --> 00:45:09,880
Thank you for really a pleasure.
Really awesome to have you on

787
00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:11,280
when you will.
Thank you a bunch.

788
00:45:12,040 --> 00:45:13,720
No, thank you.
It was so great to be here.

789
00:45:17,520 --> 00:45:22,480
Was it coincidence or God?
You decide for yourself, but I

790
00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:26,240
believe you just heard a story
for His glory.

791
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:30,840
When You Look is powered by
stories just like this and yours

792
00:45:30,840 --> 00:45:34,920
could be next.
Go to whenyoulook.com/be a guest

793
00:45:35,200 --> 00:45:37,280
or use the link in the
description below.

794
00:45:37,800 --> 00:45:42,360
Be sure to drop us a like, drop
a comment or share this episode

795
00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:45,680
with somebody that needs it.
And until next time, thanks a

796
00:45:45,680 --> 00:45:47,840
bunch for listening and God
bless.