I Chased Popularity & It Nearly Killed Me | Tindell Baldwin | 060

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I went down that path very hard,
very fast.

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I got all the things I thought I
wanted, became popular.

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I had the boyfriend, I had the
big, big friend group.

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I was also credibly addicted to
alcohol and then later drugs,

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credibly unhappy.
I went through periods of

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depression and suicide.
You know, I ended up doing the

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things I said I would never do
and I didn't get any closer to

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feeling accepted or loved.
Welcome to When you Look where

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ordinary people share their
extraordinary experiences and

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you get to decide was it
coincidence?

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Or God Tyndall Baldwin, welcome
to When You Look.

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Thanks, I'm glad to be here.
We are super, super, super

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pumped.
You have an incredible story to

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tell with all kinds of really
interesting ups and downs and

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sideways twists and turns and
all of that.

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But before we jump in, tell us a
little bit about yourself.

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Yeah, absolutely.
OK, so yes, you have you have my

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book.
So I'm an author long time ago.

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My oldest is 13 and popular came
out when she was in diapers.

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So I love that God continues to
bring opportunities like this

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when it feels like, you know,
that's something in the past.

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But I am a mom of four, married
for almost 17 years to my

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college sweetheart been.
And yeah, so most days I am at

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home taking care of the kids.
I kind of work part time writing

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and actually podcast producing.
So this is just fun.

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I get to have and that God keeps
bringing my way.

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But yeah.
Oh, and I'm in Atlanta, GA.

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OK, great.
Yeah, thanks for all that

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insight.
The book, everybody that's

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listening, we're going to link
to it, of course, but it's

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called Popular Booze Boys and
Jesus, right?

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Yes, Yep.
OK, yeah, awesome.

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And folks, I have read the book
and I can tell you it is a doozy

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in the best possible sense.
So it is packed with wisdom,

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wisdom coming from Jesus, wisdom
coming from a lifetime of

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experience.
And man, there was many a time

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as I read this that not only
could I relate to a lot of it,

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but that I was also in tears as
I read it.

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So for those of you listening,
check it out.

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You're going to essentially get
a little bit of a preview as

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Tyndall and I kind of explore
some of the arc of her life.

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So let's do exactly that.
Give us a little bit of back

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story, sort of where does, where
does popular in a way begin for

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you in life and walk us through
things.

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Yeah, OK, so I was raised here
in Georgia, honestly about 15

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minutes from where I currently
live.

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And I was born into a big
family.

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I am the third of four.
I have three brothers.

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And honestly, like great family
situation, great childhood.

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Like there's there was no like
trauma hiccups or I mean, really

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it was just kind of like the all
American dream.

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Loved my family and then kind of
teenage years hit and being the

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third, I kind of was looking
around and didn't know where I

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fit in.
Faith was a huge part of my

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family's upbringing.
We went to a local church, we

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were there on Wednesdays, we
were there on Sundays.

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My parents were the Bible study
teachers and my dad actually

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spoke at the youth group and my
brother was the worship leader.

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So church was deeply entrenched
in every part of our family.

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My parents lived it out as well
as taught it.

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And I kind of just didn't know
where I fit.

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I think it's a little bit of
like the just the middle child

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center of my feel like I'm like
watching my middles going like,

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are you going to is it hard
because it is as a middle child

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in a big family, you know, you,
you do kind of look around.

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You're like, where do I fit in
here?

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And for me, faith was something
my family did, But I wouldn't

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say I was like sold out to the
Lord at an early age.

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Like my oldest is 13 and I watch
her and how she carries herself

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and what she wants, what she's
interested in and she she truly

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loves the Lord at an early age.
Praise Jesus.

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I have three others that are
still undecided.

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So it's not parenting, sadly,
it's just when God captures them

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when they're ready to surrender,
really.

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And so I was not ready to
surrender at an early age.

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What I honestly wanted, which is
why the book is entitled This is

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I wanted popularity.
I wanted what it looked like it

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could give me, which was like
stupid things, but the things

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that are important when you're
1415 popularity, a boyfriend, a

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friend group.
I wanted to be included.

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I want to be invited to the
parties.

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My brothers are also
overachievers still to this day,

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Great, great overachievers.
But like one of my brothers is

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42 and still running 100 mile
marathons.

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He's like the Uber athlete.
And then another brother, very

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famous worship leader.
And then my youngest brother's

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also an incredible singer and
talented.

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So I was kind of like, hey, I'm
not, I don't sing, I don't do

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sports.
I just didn't really know where

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I fit.
And I thought if I could be

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popular, I would feel a kind of
OK not fitting in my family.

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I would feel like I had a place.
And again, it wasn't anything my

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family did.
They were not, they were not

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pushing me to be anybody but me.
So yeah, that was kind of my a

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run away a little bit from the
church.

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I kind of decided I was done.
I wrote a goodbye letter to God.

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I think I was either 14 or 15.
But I was like, you know, I

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looked at God like Santa Claus
and I talk about this in the

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book.
But I was like, you know, you're

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not giving me what I want.
I've written you.

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I told you what I want.
You're not giving it to me.

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I'm out.
I'm going to go find it myself.

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And so I really just kind of
chased what I saw on TV that

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looked so appealing and what
Satan really does lure you in

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with.
It's like, oh, you'll feel good

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about yourself.
If.

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Yeah.
So I went, I mean, I went down

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that path very hard, very fast.
I got all the things I thought I

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wanted.
You know, I became popular, had

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the boyfriend.
I had the big, big friend group.

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I was also credibly addicted to
alcohol and then later drugs,

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incredibly unhappy, went through
periods of depression and

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suicide.
You know, I ended up doing the

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things I said I would never do
and I didn't get any closer to

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feeling accepted or loved.
So that's like the kind of the

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overarch of the book and kind of
what what, what pushed me away

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from faith.
Yeah, and one of the phrases

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that you used was often wrong,
but never in doubt.

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Tell us about that.
Yeah, Well, that's actually my

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husband assigned me that phrase
because, well, we heard it at

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church when we were buried.
But it is true.

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And it was true from a very
young age.

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I was like very headstrong, very
committed to whatever I was

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doing.
So again, when I ran away from

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the Lord and ran towards, I was
all in.

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And it didn't, it didn't really
matter that it didn't seem to be

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working out.
Yeah, it it.

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I just was, I was, I was bent
on, you know, running into the

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door over and over again instead
of using the handle.

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Yeah.
And, and again, I'm not trying

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to pile on with this, but in the
book you were talking about how

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if you were sort of using the
parallel of a sheep here, if

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your, if your coat wasn't white,
if you were going to be the

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black sheep, essentially, you
might as well dye it as black as

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you could, sort of what you
described.

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Yeah, yeah, exactly.
I was like, well, I can't fit in

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to my family in my in my head.
And again now as a much more

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mature Christian, I think Satan
probably was telling me you

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don't fit in here.
That's a lie.

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I do fit in, but I, I felt like
it was true.

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And so especially feelings are
so powerful, right?

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We have teenagers and when
you're a teenager, it's like

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everything's either amazing or
the end of the world.

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And it was the, you know, the
end of my world not having

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popularity.
And boy, you know, the things

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that I thought.
And I think, you know, culture

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does a great job of selling you
a lie.

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And I think it's, it's way
harder now because there's

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social media and there's so many
examples of, of people that look

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so happy, right?
And if you just get XYZ, you'll,

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you'll be great.
And I think what I found, but

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was very unwilling to admit was
by the end of high school, I I

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was unhappier than I had ever
been and and heartbroken from

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really poor decisions.
I had made a dating and really

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left high school like so
embarrassed of what I had done

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in four years and so ready to
start over.

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So grateful for the chance to
start over.

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In fact, most people told my
parents.

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My parents are an incredible
example of just the love of

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Christ.
I think the only reason I

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actually ended up back at the
feet of Jesus is because of my

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family, ironically enough, But I
mean, everyone told my parents

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don't let her go to Auburn, like
she won't live.

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And and they honestly had a
reason to fear.

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And I asked my dad later, I'm
like, how did you send me to

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college without fear?
I would have if it was my kid, I

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would have been so afraid.
And he was like, I don't fear

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because I know who my savior is.
He was like, why would you worry

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about the sun coming up
tomorrow?

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He was like, God had you.
I believed that and he had a

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plan for you.
And I was like, well, that

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really puts my faith in
perspective.

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Well, color in a little bit more
as to what you were just saying,

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meaning that your parents kind
of had in your mind, especially

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now, right reason to really fear
you leaving high school and then

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going to a large prominent
college, right?

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So give folks a little bit more
in terms of like what was

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happening in high school and
maybe even begin to bring this

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into a spring break trip to a
Caribbean island.

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Yeah, so I would say junior, I
would say freshman and sophomore

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year of high school, I really
kind of maintained.

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I kind of got what I wanted.
It worked for a while.

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Like I was happy.
I was invited to all the

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parties, I had all these
friends.

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It was all, it was all just kind
of fun and games.

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And then I started dating
somebody seriously junior year

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and you know, it's like the the
mountaintop before the

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crashdown.
So, yeah, I started dating

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somebody junior year and I
always said like I would do so

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funny how you justify things in
high school.

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But I was like, I'll do drugs
and alcohol, but I won't have

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sex because that's really where
things get off the rails.

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But ended up sleeping with him
and then being incredibly

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depressed when we broke up.
Well, and we broke up because I

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got so drunk I cheated on him.
And that was kind of my like my

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MO.
I would just get, I was, I mean,

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I was drinking, honestly, it's,
it's amazing.

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I did live, I was drinking so
much alcohol on a regular basis.

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I would say four to five nights
a week straight liquor and then

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smoking weed before school.
So I, I mean, I was just a mess.

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I mean, my, I would, I remember
coming home one time from a

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morning football game, driving
myself home and I was completely

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drunk.
And my, me getting home.

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My mom has suffered with chronic
illness my whole life or since I

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was very young, probably four or
five.

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And she'd asked me to pick my
brother up from church.

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And I was drunk, so I couldn't.
So I just drove home with a

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friend.
But then when she greeted me at

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the door, she was like, you
didn't get your brother?

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And then she smelled alcohol, my
breath.

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And then, I mean, I proceeded to
think, throw up for the next 12

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hours.
And it was like that kind of

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thing over and over again,
right?

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It was like they'd catch me.
There'd be conversations and

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consequences.
And we love you.

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Why are you doing this to
yourself?

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And that was like just that was
probably junior most of junior

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year.
And then by senior year, I mean,

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I really was suicidal.
They'd found suicide notes.

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They had hidden sleeping
medication from me.

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Like there was lots of just
signs that like I was ready to

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be done with my life.
And again, you know, I, I was at

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Bible study yesterday and Bible
study leaders like, you know,

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Satan's so great at telling you
God doesn't have a plan for you

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00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:39,520
and God's holding out on you.
And then as soon as you cross

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00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:42,480
the line away from God's will
for your life, he tells you, how

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00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:45,280
dare you, you are not worth
living.

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00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:48,200
And it's like, that's exactly
what right he was like, come do

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00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:50,320
this, come have fun.
God's holding out on you.

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00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:52,440
God's not fun.
You're missing out.

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00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:54,760
So then, you know, you cross the
line and then he's like, I can't

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00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:56,680
believe that your family's so
ashamed of you.

233
00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:59,480
Like, and that is just how Satan
works.

234
00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:02,560
You know, he, he gives you half
truths and then he'll, he'll,

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00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:05,640
he'll shut you in a, a hole of
shame so that you never get back

236
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:09,240
to the life God had for you.
So anyway, that was, that was

237
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:10,960
junior year and then start of
senior year.

238
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:14,160
So then senior year, spring
break as spring, we've actually

239
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,440
started taking our kids on
mission trips on spring break

240
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,200
because I said, I'm not even
dealing with spring break.

241
00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:22,120
I'm not doing it.
So spring break, senior year,

242
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:24,960
all my friends are going to
Mexico with like a couple

243
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:28,720
parents, but the, there was a
big parent meeting for this trip

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00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,600
and my parents went to the
meeting to like kind of be like,

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00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:33,880
well, let's see.
And at the meeting they're like,

246
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,720
well, we're taking them to
Mexico because they so that they

247
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:39,360
can all drink because the
drinking age is 18.

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00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:42,240
So we just, you know, we just
want them to have a good time.

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00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:44,640
My parents were kind of like
what?

250
00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:50,600
No, so my dad, my dad was like,
I mean, my dad was so great at I

251
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:53,160
want them to, they were so great
at like they didn't want to ever

252
00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:57,480
lose the relationship with me.
So they really had to tow this

253
00:13:57,480 --> 00:14:00,160
very delicate line of like,
there was consequences, but it

254
00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:03,200
was never the relationship that
was on that was a consequence.

255
00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:07,200
So my dad said, how about I'll
take you and your two best

256
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,160
friends.
One went to my school, one went

257
00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:12,280
to a different school and I'll
take y'all to Aruba.

258
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,200
And my oldest brother was
married.

259
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,840
Him and his wife were coming.
I loved them.

260
00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:19,240
They're always huge influence in
my life.

261
00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:21,440
Both of them.
She knew me from the time I was

262
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:25,920
14 until they're still married.
So she's known me half my life

263
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,960
anyway, so they were coming and
I was kind of like, OK, fine.

264
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:33,680
And my two kind of best friends
were, I would say, decent

265
00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:36,680
influences on my life.
Like I was probably a worse

266
00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:38,720
influence on their life than
they were on mine.

267
00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:42,080
And my parents knew that.
So like, you know, bring them

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00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:43,440
with us.
We went to Aruba.

269
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,880
Well, of course, I mean, we
snuck out because I was, again,

270
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,600
just kind of how I did.
And we went to Carlos and

271
00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:55,200
Charlie's, met boys and then
drove home.

272
00:14:55,440 --> 00:15:00,400
And my mom, when we walked in,
my mom was on the floor praying

273
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,680
on her knees when we walked in
the door.

274
00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:05,080
And you know, I'm a teenager,
right?

275
00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:09,760
I was like, gosh, you overreact.
And then we get back home.

276
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,600
They actually the guy that I had
met came back to the beach the

277
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:14,880
next day and my friend was like,
go out with him.

278
00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:17,200
He seems nice.
I was like, I know I just get a

279
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:20,720
weird vibe from him.
I'm not going to go out with

280
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,480
him.
I don't, you know, I'm anyway,

281
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:25,120
so we didn't, I didn't see him
again the rest of the trip.

282
00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:26,920
I think he emailed me once we
got home.

283
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:30,680
Well, about a month later, my
friend calls me that was on the

284
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:34,000
trip with me screaming turn on
the news, turn on the news, turn

285
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,240
on the news.
I was like, I don't watch the

286
00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:36,560
news.
Why am I turning on the news?

287
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:39,800
We turned on the news and there
is the guy that I had met and

288
00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:43,480
kissed in Aruba as the suspect
in Natalie Holloway's killing.

289
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:51,400
And I was kind of like, what?
Anyway, So she followed that

290
00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:55,120
case very closely.
I wanted really nothing to do

291
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,360
with it.
And I, you know, I just kept

292
00:15:57,360 --> 00:16:02,400
thinking about my mom on her
knees The minute we got home

293
00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:07,280
from me meeting him and asked
her about it later, I was like,

294
00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:10,600
mom, why were you like, I mean,
I did stuff like this all the

295
00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:11,960
time.
They were used to kind of my

296
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,240
shenanigans.
And not that again, not that

297
00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:16,760
they ever allowed it, but they
weren't like ever surprised by

298
00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:19,080
it either.
I was like.

299
00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:21,840
Interesting dichotomy there.
Yeah, right.

300
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:26,680
And I was like, why?
Why were you praying?

301
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:30,840
You know, when I got home and
she said to the Lord woke me up

302
00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:35,200
and told me to pray for you.
And I was like, oh man, it was

303
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:37,320
very sobering.
Very sobering.

304
00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:42,040
Or Nippon.
Or maybe, pun intended.

305
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:48,040
Yeah, I know both.
Wow.

306
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:52,840
OK, So that's spring break
senior year.

307
00:16:53,320 --> 00:17:01,320
So this is now kind of the arc
of high school ending and then

308
00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:04,640
we're off to college, right?
Yep.

309
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:08,720
So then I head to Auburn again,
despite so many of my parents

310
00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:13,040
friends, you know, telling me,
telling the, you know, they just

311
00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:14,640
got.
I don't know how I would handle

312
00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:17,000
it now as a parent.
If one of my daughters was going

313
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,480
through this, I would I'm sure I
would have so much fear.

314
00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:24,240
But they again, I also was very
close in this time, like I said

315
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:28,040
to my oldest brother's wife.
And she did a great job of kind

316
00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:31,840
of not being a mediator, but
just telling my parents like

317
00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:35,800
there's hope, there's hope.
And I would listen to her way

318
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:39,280
more than my parents.
That's just a good plug for

319
00:17:39,360 --> 00:17:42,800
small group leaders, mentors,
people outside of your like your

320
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:45,760
kids need more than you.
And I'm saying this to myself as

321
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:49,080
well.
But so anyway, went off to

322
00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:52,840
Auburn and I kind of realized
like, you know, I'm kind of the

323
00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:56,440
common denominator in all of
this tragedy and trauma in my

324
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:58,520
life.
Like I don't, I never felt like

325
00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:03,280
anyone was doing anything to be.
I felt like I was, I was the

326
00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:05,960
problem.
Like I didn't, I didn't play the

327
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,640
victim card.
To my credit, I very much knew

328
00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:11,720
who was drinking, who was doing
the drugs, who was like, I, I

329
00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:15,880
was, it was me.
I just didn't know what to do

330
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:19,400
about it because I didn't have,
I didn't really believe.

331
00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:22,600
Honestly, I didn't really
believe Jesus wanted to save me

332
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:24,160
anymore.
I kind of thought he was like

333
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:27,120
done with me.
So then I go to college and I

334
00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:29,320
kind of looked around and I was
like, OK, so nobody knows me

335
00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:33,720
here, Nobody knows my family.
I can, I can start over and I'm

336
00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:37,440
going to start over by, OK,
well, I'll stop doing drugs and

337
00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:39,240
I'll stop sleeping with whoever
I'm dating.

338
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,880
That was kind of I was like,
that's my I'll.

339
00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:43,800
I'll make my life like a little
more PG.

340
00:18:46,120 --> 00:18:50,200
And so yeah, anyway, so I and I,
I say this in the book, I like I

341
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:53,000
was not looking for faith.
I was not looking for God, but

342
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,000
I, I do believe he was looking
for me.

343
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:58,160
And my parents were also very
aware of my just like slight

344
00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:00,520
change of heart.
And I even told them I joined a

345
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:03,200
sorority that was different from
all my friends from high school.

346
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:05,040
They all went one way.
I went another way.

347
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:08,520
So I was in a brand new group of
friends and I told my mom I was

348
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,680
like, I'm, you know, I'm going
to actually go, I think, to my

349
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,000
sorority's Bible study.
And she was like, you have to

350
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,240
tell me to sit down before you
stay, stuff like that.

351
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:18,320
So, yeah, I mean, that was kind
of it.

352
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,160
I again, I was not looking for
God.

353
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:23,360
I wasn't attending church.
I was, I was not even dating

354
00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:27,120
Christian men at the time.
I started dating somebody.

355
00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:29,200
We both were kind of like, you
know, what we're doing is not

356
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:32,120
working.
And so actually we both ended up

357
00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:34,000
at the Passion conference.
But anyway, my brother, my

358
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:36,760
oldest brother, who's the
worship leader, one of one of

359
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:40,560
the worship leaders, he, he was
leading at his first Passion

360
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:43,840
conference, which is a, a
Christian conference for college

361
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:46,840
students, and my parents were
like, this is a big deal.

362
00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:49,000
It was his his song He had
written with AI mean.

363
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:52,720
It's a, an old hymn that he had
redone with a good friend of his

364
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:54,720
and they were like, he's going
to be singing it.

365
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:59,600
He was so supportive of me in
the middle of my worst days that

366
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:02,080
I was always like, if he was
singing, I was there and I

367
00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:05,240
that's probably the only time I
went to church was to see him

368
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:08,840
sing.
And had many times that I felt

369
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:11,920
like God was like asking me to
walk towards him.

370
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:14,840
But I was nowhere near ready to
surrender my life.

371
00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:21,240
So I went to the passion
conference and kind of like went

372
00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:23,880
through the motions of the
conference, like attended.

373
00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:36,120
I was sitting with one of my
sister in And then I went to

374
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:41,840
Beth Moore and, and I, I felt
like she was talking to me as

375
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,880
like anybody that's seen Beth
Moore speak, like I think

376
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:45,720
everybody feels that way about
Beth Moore, but she was

377
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:49,040
literally talking about the pit
of sin and how God wants to take

378
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:52,040
issues.
Psalm 40, I think Psalm 40, like

379
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:54,960
lift you out of the pit, put
your feet on solid ground, out

380
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:57,120
of the muck and mire.
And I knew I was like, I'm in

381
00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:59,240
the pit because I jumped in
here.

382
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:03,360
I didn't even just fall.
I jumped full fully knowing

383
00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:06,120
where I was going and I knew I
wasn't going to be able to get

384
00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:07,680
myself out.
I wasn't able to clean up my

385
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:11,160
life and I just kind of let that
marinate.

386
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:14,320
And then that night was the
night my brother was singing

387
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:17,440
Jesus paid it all of all songs.
That was the song I was there to

388
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:20,320
hear him sing.
And I don't even know that he

389
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:25,160
did another song that that
passion, but he came on stage

390
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:27,800
and he's saying and I was like,
I was like, OK, God, I'm in.

391
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:33,320
And I really just completely
surrendered my entire life, my

392
00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:38,720
dating, my drinking, my
everything, my future, my

393
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:41,600
whatever.
I was like, I just was so OK to

394
00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:48,960
lay it all down at his feet.
And so, yeah, that was that.

395
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:51,600
It was a very radical
transformation.

396
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:55,200
And then I had to go back to
Auburn, which is an incredible

397
00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:57,280
school, but it's it's not a
Christian School.

398
00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,560
And I had definitely not
entrenched myself in a Christian

399
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:02,560
world.
So went back to Auburn and very

400
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:07,320
much had to wrestle with my
salvation, wrestle through what

401
00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:09,840
did faith look like?
What does surrender really look

402
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:12,120
like?
What does what does God ask of

403
00:22:12,120 --> 00:22:18,720
me as a 20 year old?
How do I date as a 20 year old?

404
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:22,720
That has been, you know, I, I'd
never dated anyone that wanted

405
00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:27,720
anything but something from me.
So anyway, that's that is

406
00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:32,920
there's a lot after that.
Hey, it's Mick real quick before

407
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:36,120
we keep going, if this
conversation is meaningful for

408
00:22:36,120 --> 00:22:39,480
you, do me a favor.
Tap subscribe so you don't miss

409
00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:42,920
the awesome stuff coming next.
And if you've gotten even one

410
00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:45,920
insight from this episode,
please hit the like button.

411
00:22:46,120 --> 00:22:49,680
It's a small thing, but it helps
this reach more people who might

412
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:52,760
need it.
Last thing, think of one person

413
00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:54,400
in your life who would benefit
from this.

414
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:57,320
Just one.
Share it with them right now.

415
00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:00,000
That's how this grows person to
person.

416
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:04,680
All right.
Back to it, give us a sense for

417
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:12,240
how you got to the point in that
song, in that moment where

418
00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:15,080
you're like, OK, God, I'm all
in.

419
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:20,160
Because you mentioned some other
times where you felt like he was

420
00:23:20,360 --> 00:23:25,080
inviting you right, to come
towards him and you were like,

421
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:26,800
no Sir, not.
Happy.

422
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:31,000
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I, I think that's one of

423
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,560
the cooler things about a
relationship with God is like,

424
00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:36,000
it's never forced.
It's always an invitation.

425
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:41,000
And I don't really know why my
heart was open except for that I

426
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:45,960
had reflected enough on my life
to know that I I wasn't able to

427
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:48,840
make it work you.
I mean, I looked around enough

428
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:51,040
and and I'd gotten all the
things I thought would make me

429
00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:54,200
happy, and I'm still unhappy.
You know, I had dated who I

430
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:56,240
thought I wanted to date it, and
I was broken hearted.

431
00:23:56,280 --> 00:24:00,120
I had, you know, gone to all the
parties and I was still lonely.

432
00:24:00,120 --> 00:24:03,240
Like I was just all the things
that I was actually searching

433
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:06,040
for, I knew I was not going to
find.

434
00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:09,800
I didn't actually know how I was
going to find them inside my

435
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:13,680
relationship with God, but I
knew I couldn't figure it out.

436
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:17,040
Does that make sense?
It totally does.

437
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:21,640
You essentially got to the point
of realizing this is beyond me.

438
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:28,000
I tried it all of these
different it's and I can't fill

439
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,360
myself.
I can't create the love that

440
00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:34,320
I've been seeking, so I'll try
God.

441
00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:39,320
Yeah, well, and really, Beth
Moore was like the perfect Tia

442
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:44,000
for the worship because her
message, first of all, it was

443
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,120
out of such humility.
And she was so honest about

444
00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:49,200
where she had been.
And I, I think it's one of the

445
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:52,120
reasons I wanted to share where
I had been, because when

446
00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:54,160
someone's really honest and
they're broken and they're like,

447
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:56,880
listen, I know what it's like to
be in the pit.

448
00:24:56,920 --> 00:25:00,680
I know that you feel trapped in
your sin because I think a lot

449
00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:03,760
of it, too, when God's calling
us out of something, it's not

450
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,240
that we don't want to get out,
it's that we don't know how.

451
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:11,200
And I have very much felt that
at some other, like, you know,

452
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:14,240
other times listening to my
brother Singer attending worship

453
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:17,000
stuff, I would feel like, yeah,
that sounds great.

454
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,200
God, yeah, you want me.
You love me.

455
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:22,400
I don't know how to leave the
life I'm living.

456
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:28,280
And so I think the culmination
of starting over at college and

457
00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:31,040
college just being really a
fresh start for me.

458
00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:33,640
And again, I think this is where
my parents were so wise and

459
00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:37,040
listen to the Lord over the
voices outside of our house

460
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:39,920
because it did not make sense on
paper for me to go to Auburn.

461
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:44,680
But they felt such peace.
And I really, I think I don't

462
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:47,680
know that I would have gotten, I
would have gotten to Jesus as

463
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:52,960
fast as I did had I had I not
been in that environment of just

464
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:55,160
like no one knows me, I get to
start over.

465
00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:58,600
Who do I actually want to be?
So, yeah.

466
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:01,560
And I mean, my, my dad says this
still like we actually work

467
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:05,040
together now, which is so fun.
And he we were talking together

468
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:07,280
and he was saying, you know, I
was telling about something

469
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:10,080
going on with one of my kids.
And he was like, Tyndall, your

470
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:13,160
convictions are not going to be
your kids convictions.

471
00:26:14,120 --> 00:26:17,160
And I was like, that really
stinks.

472
00:26:17,360 --> 00:26:20,920
And it's true.
Yeah, right, 'cause you can look

473
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:24,080
at your life and like, yeah, I
did not do it the way you were

474
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:27,080
convicted and.
Now you're like, hey, I'm

475
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:30,840
convicted of these amazing
things and oh, I do.

476
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:34,040
Not want my kids to make
mistakes similar or remotely

477
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:36,600
close to what I did.
Yes, yes.

478
00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:40,240
So.
But my dad knew I had to get to

479
00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:42,960
the point where these were my
convictions, right?

480
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,680
I couldn't carry a faith out
that wasn't my own.

481
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:50,720
I was willing, you know, I mean,
yeah, I was Will.

482
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:54,800
I was willing to surrender.
I was probably broken too.

483
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:59,000
Yeah, I want, I want to, I want
to come to this point here real

484
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:04,720
quick, where in the book he said
something that was just

485
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:07,240
hilarious to me.
You said I didn't have a

486
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:11,120
relationship with God.
I had with the God I had talked

487
00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:14,520
so adamantly about just an
understanding of who he was in

488
00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:18,000
other people's lives.
For me God was a trend and I

489
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:22,720
followed until I turned 15 and
then like squirts went out of

490
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:24,480
style.
Now I'd like.

491
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:28,840
That you know.
What I mean, but I could also

492
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:32,520
very much relate to that growing
up in a Christian household

493
00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:36,800
similar to much less prolific in
terms of what they, you know,

494
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:40,760
I've done.
I mean Jesus, but nevertheless.

495
00:27:42,120 --> 00:27:47,960
And so now you're at this point
of complete surrender and you

496
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:51,120
use the phrase radical
transformation.

497
00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:59,280
So describe some of that for us.
Yeah, I mean, well, I it was

498
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:02,840
radical because I mean, I
literally the boyfriend I was

499
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:06,840
dating walking into passion, we
broke up walking out.

500
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:10,640
I mean, and and and it wasn't
even, it was just like we knew

501
00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:13,520
we were no good for each other
and and he became a Christian

502
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:17,240
and and did great things and but
it was just like we both do.

503
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:19,800
No.
And then friends I was hanging

504
00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:23,000
out with, I knew they're not
going to influence me in the way

505
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,560
I want to be influenced.
So it's like, and it wasn't that

506
00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:28,160
I cut off all relationships.
I more had to move things to the

507
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:31,040
outer circle.
And honestly, I had to be lonely

508
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:34,280
for a while.
I would say I spent about a year

509
00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:39,400
of college praying for friends.
I would, yeah.

510
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:43,080
I mean, and I was in a sorority
known for partying.

511
00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:47,120
Like I had joined a sorority
that was very, very wild on

512
00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:49,920
purpose because that's what I
was looking looking for when I

513
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:54,520
got went into college.
And so I had to figure out, I

514
00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:57,840
ended up being the chaplain and
being in charge of standards,

515
00:28:57,840 --> 00:28:59,760
which is basically like
everyone's mom.

516
00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:02,520
Nobody likes you.
My mom thought it was

517
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:04,280
hysterical.
I mean, she thought it was the

518
00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:06,640
funniest thing ever.
But I was, I mean, I was like

519
00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:07,560
irony.
Is.

520
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:08,720
Thick.
The irony.

521
00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:11,560
Yeah, is so thick.
I mean, God has such a sense of

522
00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:13,280
humor.
I would walk into parties and

523
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:15,120
people would lower their red
Solo cups.

524
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:19,400
I'm like, I mean, it was just,
yeah, so radical in the sense of

525
00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:21,640
I was a completely different
person.

526
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:25,000
But also still, just because I
was a different person than me,

527
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:26,880
I didn't struggle with all the
same things.

528
00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:30,640
So then I came home from college
and had to work through God.

529
00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:32,320
Are you really calling me to be
sober?

530
00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:35,760
Because like, you know, you
drank wine and what's the line?

531
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:40,240
And you know, so I had to
struggle through, no, no, God

532
00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:43,680
doesn't want something from me,
he or he, not even that.

533
00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:46,320
God wants something for me.
He wasn't keeping me.

534
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:50,280
He was keeping me from pain.
He wasn't keeping me from fun.

535
00:29:50,560 --> 00:29:56,960
And so I had to wrestle with him
and fail, which I, I talk about

536
00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:58,400
that in the book.
Coming home from college is

537
00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:00,480
really hard because I, I was
just back with all my high

538
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:04,880
school friends and I ended up
going and living with my oldest

539
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:08,440
brother at a Christian camp for
the second-half of summer

540
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:10,360
because I was like, I can't be
here.

541
00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:13,800
I don't, I, but I was, again, I
was so willing to do whatever it

542
00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:17,320
took to be, to be faithful to
God.

543
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:21,000
You know, I got back to college,
started dating somebody and

544
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:23,880
realized like this is not still
not going well, I'm not.

545
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:25,320
So there's something I'm not
getting.

546
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:29,320
And then our pastor back at
home, I went back for a weekend.

547
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:31,480
Our pastor was talking about
dating and he was like, if you

548
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:34,480
have been in a series of bad
relationships, you need to take

549
00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:36,640
a year off dating.
And I was like, oh, come on,

550
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:39,240
God, a whole year.
But I did.

551
00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:41,360
I was like, I'm going to take a
whole year off dating and then

552
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:43,840
met my husband six months into
the year.

553
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:48,560
So didn't make it the full year,
but those six months changed

554
00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:51,720
what I was looking for, who I
was.

555
00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:55,520
I was willing to be alone.
Like I didn't, I didn't end up

556
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:57,360
dating some people I probably
would have dated.

557
00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:02,840
I was so OK not doing it my way
because I knew it wouldn't work.

558
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:07,600
So that's, yeah, that was kind
of the the radical and for and

559
00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:10,720
to be in college and to be
asking God, what do you want

560
00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:14,280
from me?
It's not an easy time to be

561
00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:19,440
doing that.
Yeah, I can fully relate to

562
00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:21,640
that.
So.

563
00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:24,440
Thank you for laying all of this
out.

564
00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:28,680
And and folks, there's so much
more in the book like this is

565
00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:33,840
we're scratching the surface and
it's all rich and the depth in

566
00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:39,880
the book is just even richer.
So you're six months in to your

567
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:46,880
dating hiatus and you meet, you
see, I'll just leave it at that.

568
00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:49,560
And you take it from there.
You see somebody.

569
00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:53,720
So tell us the story of meeting
Dad.

570
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:59,680
Yes, so I had gone with a friend
and he knew very clearly we were

571
00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:04,000
just friends to like a a
fraternity date night thing with

572
00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:08,480
a group of people.
And while it was there, I

573
00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:11,760
literally looked just looked
across the room and saw Ben,

574
00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:15,040
who's now my husband and he same
thing like locked eyes, which

575
00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:18,280
him and I are drastically
different people, as God always

576
00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:21,720
does bring together.
I'm like super extrovert,

577
00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:25,800
probably talk to everybody.
He is he is an introvert, you

578
00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:28,320
know, more reserved.
He's an engineer, I'm a writer.

579
00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:30,560
Like we're just very, very, you
know, different.

580
00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:33,760
So the fact that we even met
that night truly is a miracle.

581
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:37,960
But I mean, his opening, I was
literally waiting in line to the

582
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:40,680
bathroom and his opening line to
me was like long line to the

583
00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:43,040
bathroom, which we've and I
said, I know, right?

584
00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:47,480
And that was like how we ended
up talking and my kids love

585
00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:50,200
every time I'm walking to the
bathroom, I'd be like long line

586
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:54,800
to the bathroom.
I think it's hysterical because

587
00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:57,200
they're like, dad, what a
terrible pick up line.

588
00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:01,560
And he was like, I never, I
never actually tried a pick up

589
00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:07,720
line on a girl.
So we, we ended up talking just

590
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:10,000
like sharing life stories kind
of that night.

591
00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:11,840
And then he called me and asked
me out.

592
00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:13,640
This is the good old days where
people still called you and

593
00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:16,240
asked you out.
But he called me and asked me

594
00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:18,920
out the next week.
We went on a date Tuesday and

595
00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:21,480
went to like a college ministry
that we were both attending

596
00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:23,880
together.
And then really the rest is

597
00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:25,200
history.
Got married a year and a half

598
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:28,720
later.
But yeah, I did not tell him I

599
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:30,720
was, I was doing a year off of
dating.

600
00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:35,600
And honestly, like I felt total
freedom from God to not tell him

601
00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:37,600
that.
And honestly, he probably would

602
00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:39,000
have.
He probably would have been

603
00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:41,040
like, OK, that's fine, we can
wait six months.

604
00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:45,480
But but yeah, so we started
dating and he again, very

605
00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:50,360
different story than mine, only
dated a few people, really loved

606
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:52,400
the Lord from an early age and
stuck to it.

607
00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:56,480
Not, not that he didn't have his
own story, but so he had been

608
00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:59,320
praying for his wife.
And then, you know, when it was

609
00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:01,960
me, it was a little bit of a
surprise, I think, because my

610
00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:07,480
story was so different than his.
But he was so gracious.

611
00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:10,320
And yeah.
And our, our dating was honestly

612
00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:12,920
amazing.
And I'm so, so grateful I had

613
00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:18,040
the time away from dating to
know what I wasn't willing, like

614
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:20,360
I wasn't willing to compromise
on certain things.

615
00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:23,520
And I mean, he he was, he wasn't
either.

616
00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:27,159
So it was a great our dating
story was just honestly a really

617
00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:31,400
incredible 1 compared to the
other relationships I had been

618
00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:32,880
in.
Yeah.

619
00:34:34,719 --> 00:34:43,560
Tell us though, if you don't
mind about the the conversation

620
00:34:43,639 --> 00:34:47,120
that you and me have.
Not that long, not that many

621
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:52,679
months before the wedding and
things that had to flow from

622
00:34:52,679 --> 00:34:54,159
that.
'Cause.

623
00:34:54,159 --> 00:34:57,840
This is real light.
Yeah, well, and I, it's real

624
00:34:57,840 --> 00:35:00,760
life in the sense that you don't
get to I, you know, I think it's

625
00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:04,160
a little crazy that everybody
thinks, you know, I'll just live

626
00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:06,280
how I want to live and then I'll
clean up my life when I want to

627
00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:09,720
get married.
And that isn't how it works

628
00:35:09,720 --> 00:35:13,680
because you take whatever you
had before into marriage.

629
00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:19,480
So when we met, yes, I, I'd had
to tell him, hey, I, I, I have

630
00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:24,400
not waited for my husband.
And not only that, like I had to

631
00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:27,720
get an STD test before our or we
got married and I had like,

632
00:35:27,720 --> 00:35:30,760
there was just so many or not
complications.

633
00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:34,560
There was so many consequences
to a, a life that I, I was so

634
00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:37,000
just ready to wash away and be
like that.

635
00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:41,280
Yes, that's my past, but it was,
it came into my future whether I

636
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:44,640
wanted it to or not.
And I mean, thank the Lord, my

637
00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:48,240
parents were so good about I
went to counselling, you know, I

638
00:35:48,240 --> 00:35:50,920
did not, I did not just like
kind of brush it under the rug

639
00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:52,600
and say like, OK, well, that's
the past now.

640
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:54,880
And I'll just never think about
it again because that wouldn't

641
00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:57,440
have worked.
And honestly, writing popular,

642
00:35:57,440 --> 00:36:02,360
we, I, I started writing popular
six months into our marriage and

643
00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:07,000
that was incredibly hard and
cathartic because I, I kind of

644
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:09,320
had to open up all those old
wounds.

645
00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:13,600
I took journal entries from I, I
had always been writing and I

646
00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:16,480
had journals from the high
school and I had to take, you

647
00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:19,880
know, I just, I had to dig
through all those pieces of my

648
00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:23,120
past and be like, what's still
in here?

649
00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:26,160
Like what, what do I still have
stored in here that I need to

650
00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:29,080
get rid of?
And so writing popular was

651
00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:32,560
honestly in a great way of kind
of putting it all out on the

652
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:36,600
table and then being like also
closing the book on it and

653
00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:40,880
saying, OK, that is my past now.
I am a new creation in Christ.

654
00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:44,920
This is no longer who I am.
So yeah, there was, there's

655
00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:51,400
definitely some not fun parts
about yeah, just, you know,

656
00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:55,480
coming out of that season of my
life, even though I really did

657
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:59,920
believe God had made me new you,
you still are the same person

658
00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:07,080
even if you are a new creation.
Yeah, and it's such a a tricky,

659
00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:10,400
tricky way to explain that in a
lot of ways, you know, But I can

660
00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:17,280
not 100% relate to that.
So let's just talk briefly here

661
00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:24,920
about what you framed up in the
book about character, but also

662
00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:32,120
about how you began to look at
love through the lens of First

663
00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:38,720
Corinthians 13, and how you seem
to look at it completely

664
00:37:38,720 --> 00:37:41,800
differently than how you would
kind of previously heard that

665
00:37:41,800 --> 00:37:48,400
scripture.
Yeah, I think honestly, my

666
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:51,920
parents would did a great job
modeling unconditional love like

667
00:37:51,920 --> 00:37:55,720
when I was growing up because
they they loved me when I was my

668
00:37:55,720 --> 00:37:59,600
most unlovable and they loved me
without getting anything in

669
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:01,880
return.
And then when I was in the world

670
00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:05,520
and living that way, it was very
much like your performance

671
00:38:05,520 --> 00:38:08,720
equals your love.
So how you perform is the amount

672
00:38:08,720 --> 00:38:10,960
of love you get back.
And that, yeah, it was like

673
00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:13,040
there there's lots of
transformations of love

674
00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:16,200
throughout my life, honestly.
And then with getting married

675
00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:19,920
and meeting somebody who had to
decide to love me, even when,

676
00:38:21,720 --> 00:38:25,040
you know, I had the story, he
maybe didn't want it just

677
00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:28,320
honestly gave me such great
glimpses of how God loved me.

678
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:30,680
And then honestly, becoming a
parent, I feel like I

679
00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:34,520
experienced God's love, an
entirely new way of, of being.

680
00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:38,520
Like I love this child and
they've done nothing for me.

681
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:42,480
Like I just the minute I held
them, I'm like, you're mine.

682
00:38:42,720 --> 00:38:46,320
I will love you forever.
And I did when I, I gave birth

683
00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:51,680
to my first born, I remember God
whispering to me, this is how I

684
00:38:51,680 --> 00:38:54,280
love you.
And it was just, she had, she

685
00:38:54,280 --> 00:39:00,160
had done nothing but cry, right?
And I just instantly was like, I

686
00:39:00,160 --> 00:39:01,520
would die for you.
Like.

687
00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:10,160
So yeah, he he's done a great
thing in in giving me a new

688
00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:15,000
picture of love in each season.
Yeah, praise God.

689
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:19,000
Well, Tyndall, we're going to
land this plane here.

690
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:23,480
I feel like we could spend hours
talking, genuinely, genuinely

691
00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:28,040
enjoying this.
But we've got we've got so many

692
00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:33,200
different pieces in here and
I'll just highlight, you know, a

693
00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:36,080
handful of them.
You know, your mom being

694
00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:43,440
awakened, awakened in the middle
of the night in an incredibly

695
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:46,840
with you in an incredibly
precarious position situation,

696
00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:50,000
etcetera.
She's praying for you, right?

697
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:56,560
You end up in a fraternity,
sorry, a sorority that has a lot

698
00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:59,240
more going on from the Christian
standpoint than perhaps some of

699
00:39:59,240 --> 00:40:01,720
the other ones.
And you just like, there's just

700
00:40:01,720 --> 00:40:05,960
so many different pieces here.
And then even in a dating

701
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:10,800
hiatus, you meet your now
husband, right?

702
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:16,440
And at a moment when you're or,
or in a period in your life when

703
00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:21,640
you're very much maybe seeking
God to some extent, right?

704
00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:25,480
He is there when you surrender.
So.

705
00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:31,800
So many pieces.
Are those coincidence or God?

706
00:40:33,120 --> 00:40:36,760
Oh, I think they're 100% God.
Honestly, there was never a

707
00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:42,160
doubt in my mind or I was never
skeptic of his hand in my life.

708
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:44,600
There was just, it was just too
clear.

709
00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:47,960
And again, I think I, I have
said this to people before, I'm

710
00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:50,240
like, if you don't believe in
God, just start writing your

711
00:40:50,240 --> 00:40:52,840
story.
You will all the sudden uncover

712
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:55,640
little pieces that you didn't
even realize.

713
00:40:56,640 --> 00:40:59,000
You know, it might have felt
like coincidence or might have

714
00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:02,160
just felt like, oh, how
interesting.

715
00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:05,440
But they're not like they are
intentional pieces of God

716
00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:11,760
calling you home.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

717
00:41:14,240 --> 00:41:18,880
Tell us, how has your life
changed as a result of all of

718
00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:22,920
this?
Yeah, I, I mean, I don't think I

719
00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:27,120
would have any of the life I
have had I not met Jesus when I

720
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:29,960
was 19.
I mean, yeah, marrying my

721
00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:32,080
husband would have definitely
been out of the picture.

722
00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:36,960
But I mean, honestly, even just
where we are with our four kids,

723
00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:39,720
getting to raise them to know
and love the Lord.

724
00:41:40,040 --> 00:41:43,880
And again, that's their choice
and they have to decide their

725
00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:46,960
faith is their own.
But just getting, having a

726
00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:49,880
structure of knowing that this
is something that is of the

727
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:54,160
utmost value to me.
And just getting, I mean, I have

728
00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:56,240
incredible relationship with all
my family.

729
00:41:56,240 --> 00:41:59,800
I'm, I'm very close to all three
of my brothers, very close to my

730
00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:02,440
parents.
I work with my dad.

731
00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:05,480
I mean, we, we really are like
one big happy family.

732
00:42:05,480 --> 00:42:09,040
Like our happiest time is when
we're all together and that is

733
00:42:09,040 --> 00:42:11,600
all God like.
And, and our, our family story

734
00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:14,440
has been nowhere near perfect,
even outside of my own.

735
00:42:14,720 --> 00:42:20,040
But God is God is a Redeemer and
like, he redeems everything.

736
00:42:20,040 --> 00:42:23,600
So even years, you know, like my
story getting to sit here and

737
00:42:23,600 --> 00:42:27,080
talk to you like that is God's
goodness that he took something.

738
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:30,640
I mean, I, I used to sign all my
emails with Genesis 5020.

739
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:33,880
Like what you meant for harm.
God is using for the saving of

740
00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:37,280
many lives and God can do that.
And I believe God can deal with

741
00:42:37,280 --> 00:42:39,320
anyone's story.
All you have to do is be

742
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:41,640
willing.
I think he is always looking for

743
00:42:41,640 --> 00:42:44,200
people open to using pain for
his glory.

744
00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:48,560
So yeah, I don't nothing there.
There is not an aspect of my

745
00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:51,480
life I have now that I would
have had had I continued away

746
00:42:51,480 --> 00:42:54,280
from the Lord.
Well, I would say one final

747
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:56,680
question for you Tyndall,
because you're now more than a

748
00:42:56,680 --> 00:43:03,320
decade out from writing popular
and as you mentioned, the book

749
00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:08,080
was published when you were
oldest who's now 13 was six

750
00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:11,920
months old, right.
So lots of life has evolved for

751
00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:17,640
you, so much more experience now
as a parent of four kiddos.

752
00:43:18,080 --> 00:43:23,000
So what, if anything, do you
want to add based off of the

753
00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:26,840
life that you've led and the
experiences that you've had post

754
00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:31,120
writing popular?
Yeah, I think all I would add is

755
00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:34,560
just like maintain influence
with your kids at any cost.

756
00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:38,600
And that to me, when I say
maintain influence, we actually

757
00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:40,200
talk about this a lot, my dad
and I.

758
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:42,720
But maintaining influence
doesn't start with them

759
00:43:42,720 --> 00:43:44,560
following what you want for
them.

760
00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:48,040
It starts with you choosing to
love them no matter where they

761
00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:50,640
are.
And so that would be if I could

762
00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:53,800
just add an asterisk at the end
of my story, it would be

763
00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:56,160
maintain influence of their
children.

764
00:43:56,160 --> 00:44:00,240
There is there is no there is
nobody you will have more

765
00:44:00,240 --> 00:44:01,680
influence with than your
children.

766
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:04,320
And there is nobody who starts
their story anywhere.

767
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:08,760
But I was raised in a family
that so we all get to decide how

768
00:44:08,760 --> 00:44:11,760
they finish that sentence.
We can't decide if they follow

769
00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:14,280
Jesus.
We can't decide really anything

770
00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:17,440
else about their life, but we
can decide how they finish that

771
00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:21,000
sentence.
Yeah, wow.

772
00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:25,240
Really.
Well said, Tyndall.

773
00:44:25,240 --> 00:44:30,240
How can people get a hold of you
in terms of your writing beyond

774
00:44:30,240 --> 00:44:32,640
just popular and the other work
that you're doing?

775
00:44:32,640 --> 00:44:36,640
How can they stay up to date on
all things related to Tinder?

776
00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:39,960
Baldwin.
My Instagram's probably the best

777
00:44:39,960 --> 00:44:41,560
way.
It's at Tyndall Grace.

778
00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:46,800
I put some, I put writing up
there occasionally and my dad

779
00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:49,400
and I do a podcast actually
every now and then together.

780
00:44:49,400 --> 00:44:51,040
So I put that up there whenever
we do.

781
00:44:52,360 --> 00:44:56,040
Once and we'll make sure we link
to the book so that people can

782
00:44:56,040 --> 00:44:58,400
get that as well.
And we'll put all those

783
00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:01,480
instrument handles and
everything else in the show

784
00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:04,560
notes in the description.
So really appreciate it,

785
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:06,160
Tyndall.
Thanks, Mick.

786
00:45:06,200 --> 00:45:09,880
Thank you for really a pleasure.
Really awesome to have you on

787
00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:11,280
when you will.
Thank you a bunch.

788
00:45:12,040 --> 00:45:13,720
No, thank you.
It was so great to be here.

789
00:45:17,520 --> 00:45:22,480
Was it coincidence or God?
You decide for yourself, but I

790
00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:26,240
believe you just heard a story
for His glory.

791
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:30,840
When You Look is powered by
stories just like this and yours

792
00:45:30,840 --> 00:45:34,920
could be next.
Go to whenyoulook.com/be a guest

793
00:45:35,200 --> 00:45:37,280
or use the link in the
description below.

794
00:45:37,800 --> 00:45:42,360
Be sure to drop us a like, drop
a comment or share this episode

795
00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:45,680
with somebody that needs it.
And until next time, thanks a

796
00:45:45,680 --> 00:45:47,840
bunch for listening and God
bless.