Our Marriage Was Over… Then This Happened | Ralph Estep, Jr. | 053

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Two days before the divorce was
final, I called her.

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I said how are things where you
are not too great?

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How about things with you?
I'm living a lie.

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I said.
You want to try this again.

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She goes come pick me up.
Two days, 2 days.

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Is that a coincidence?
Welcome to When You Look, where

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ordinary people share their
extraordinary experiences and

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you get to decide was it
coincidence or God?

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Ralph, welcome to When You Look.
So Great to have you on the

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show, man.
Think it's my pleasure to be

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here.
I'm looking forward to our

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conversation.
Yeah, me as well, for sure.

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And it's going to be an
interesting and exciting one.

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I am confident of that.
But before we get to your

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particular story, tell us a
little bit about yourself.

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Well, I'm first of all, I'm a
follower of Jesus Christ.

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I think that's the most
important thing to start with

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because the rest of things I'm
going to mention don't really

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matter in in comparison to that.
But I'm an accountant.

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I'm actually a rancher.
I raise black Angus cows here on

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my farm.
I'm a podcast host.

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I do three different podcast.
I'm an author, I'm a father, and

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I'm a husband.
So those are the things that I

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would say, you know, check off
the boxes.

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That's what I am.
But those are the things that

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are important.
But like I said, the most

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important thing is I believe
that Jesus Christ is the center

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of my life.
Yeah, right on.

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And it sounds like you're a busy
man with all of those other

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boxes that you were talking
about as well.

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So there's.
A lot of boxes I check off but I

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enjoy what I do.
I consider my mission field to

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be honest with you.
How so?

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Say more there.
I just believe that we all are

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given talents and gifts and we
need to use those talents and

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gifts.
And I feel like, you know, my

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accounting practices prepared me
financially.

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Now I can give back a lot.
So I do shows.

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I do a daily Christian finance
show because I want to give back

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to people because I know people
are out there.

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A lot of people stuck in a cycle
of financial shame.

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I don't want to help give them
confidence.

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That's what's important to me.
That's what makes me get up in

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the morning.
Yeah, right on.

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Well, let's go into your story,
which actually starts with kind

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of a, a personal financial
scenario.

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So give us a little bit of back
story on that and then walk us

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through things as they occurred
for you.

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So you would think somebody that
went to college for accounting,

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somebody that has an MBA would
have all their finances in

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order.
Well, guess what, you know as

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well as I do things happen.
So picture this, I'm I'm

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recently married.
I actually married my wife.

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She had a 2 1/2 year old son
from a prior marriage and it

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wasn't long after we got
married.

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Along comes baby number 2.
So here we are, young newlywed

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couple and we're facing the same
thing that a lot of people face

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financial struggles.
And you know, like I said, I

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should have known better how to
do these things, but things were

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getting really tight.
I mean it was getting to the

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point tight where my wife was a
stay at home mom.

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I got paid once a month.
I was working for my dad's

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accounting practice and you
know, if you ever budget it

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month to month, that's a
challenge, especially when the

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money is tight.
And I'll never forget we were

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having one particular situation.
We had just sold a home and we

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just barely got out of it was
the right time to get out of it.

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So we are renting a house and
there was a lot of expenses that

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we weren't really expecting.
So we start seeing all these

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expenses we get to close to the
end of the month and my wife and

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I are talking to each other
like, hey, yeah, you got extra

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money anywhere that we know
about because things are getting

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really tight.
We got groceries to buy.

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And I want to say this was about
7 to 10 days before the end of

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the month was coming.
And we were thinking, what are

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we going to do?
We weren't really that strong in

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our faith at the time, to be
honest.

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We would go to church
occasionally, but it wasn't

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something we were really leaning
into.

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And I said to her, I said, I'm
not sure what we're going to do.

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So we kind of went to bed that
night and we're like, we

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hopefully something will come
off.

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I'm, I'm racking my brain, what
do I do?

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I'm thinking, can I sell stuff?
Is there something I can do?

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Well, this is no joke.
Next day, get up doing our

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normal things and my wife says I
think the mail came.

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I said OK, well let me go out
there and grab the mail.

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Go out there and grab the mail.
Open up the mail.

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I'm shuffling through most of
it's just junk mail, you know

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this and that.
And I was seeing, I see this

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letter from an insurance company
thinking this is interesting.

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So I've got this is probably
somebody trying to sell me

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something.
So I open up the letter and

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doggone it, if it's not a check,
and it's a check for about 3 or

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$400.00, I remember exactly how
much it was.

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But it was just enough to get us
through that seven days to get

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us to the end of the month when
I got my paycheck.

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And you know, I look back at it
now, it's like, is it

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coincidence or is it God's hand
in that?

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And, and I know that's what
we're going to talk about today,

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but that that's my story was
really kind of a miraculous

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thing because I was racking my
bed.

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I'm thinking, God, what, you
know, what do you want me to do

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here?
And then bang, here it is.

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Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Praise God that that happened.

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Well, let's dive a little bit
deeper here because you talked

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about at the time that you and
your wife are sort of going to

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church occasionally and not that
church attendance necessarily,

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you know, makes a great
Christian, so to speak, but

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there's certainly some degrees
of correlation, which is why

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you're kind of, you know,
indicating as such.

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So yet you experienced this
blessing.

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So why do you think that that
type of thing occurred?

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Honestly, looking back at it
now, I think it was about trust.

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And I think so many times in my
life I thought, oh, I got this

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figured out.
I've got an MBA.

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Oh, I've, I can do this.
I work hard to do his things.

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But it was God needed to bring
me to that point where I needed

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to rely on him.
And see, I think that's the, I

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think that's a take away moment
right now is I think God, God

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sits back on the side and he's
like, OK, dude, try it on your

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own.
Yeah, OK, keep trying.

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Yep, mm, hmm.
Stub your toe.

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Yep, Yep.
Fall down, all those kind of

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things.
But look, let go for a second

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and trust me.
So I really think that was the

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lesson here is trust me.
And I, and I think a lot of ways

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God kept, you know, let me, you
know, I was saved when I was 13

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years old, So I knew Christ.
My wife was actually raised

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Roman Catholic.
So her relationship with with

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Jesus was kind of like, I go to
church on Sunday, you know,

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stand up, sit down, take a shot.
And that's kind of a funny thing

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to say, but but that's kind of
what her religious background

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was.
Mine was more evangelical.

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So you picture we get married,
you know, both of us coming from

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different places.
And so I was much more of the

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evangelical type.
And I was one of these people

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that, you know, get in and pray
and all this kind of stuff.

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So, but, you know, I think I was
trying to say to me, hey, dude,

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you've been trying to do this on
your own.

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Here you go.
I, I blessed you with a wife.

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I blessed you with two young
boys.

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How about you have a little
trust for me?

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And I think so many times in
life, I get a little

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philosophical for a second here.
I think so many times,

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especially as men, I'm going to
throw men under the bus.

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You know, we're the tough guys.
We're the macho guys.

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We can figure this out.
Oh, yeah, I'll power through.

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I'll get through it.
But I think in so many ways, God

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wants us to say, hey, God, what
can you get?

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What can you help me with?
Because it's about trust.

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And I really think that's what
this story is all about.

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It's about trust.
Yeah, right on.

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Well, you sort of alluded to
whether or not it was

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coincidence or God.
I have a pretty good sense for

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how you're going to respond to
that.

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I didn't mean to preempt you my
friend.

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Sorry, but.
Just go.

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That's all good.
Let's just go right there.

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So was it coincidence that the
three or $400.00 check shows up

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or was that God?
Oh, I absolutely believe it was

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God.
I don't think there was any

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coincidence at all because it
was at the perfect moment.

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It was at that moment when we're
looking at that, that, that that

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time between when we needed the
money and when I would get paid.

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There's no other explanation for
that.

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And why would the insurance
company decide to refund

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something?
Then it happened the prior year.

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I don't remember what.
I can't remember the specifics.

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It was so many years ago because
we just celebrate our 25th

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wedding anniversary, and I think
it was the first year when we

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were married, but it was
definitely not coincidence.

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This was God's way of saying,
look, dude, I got you.

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God talks all through the
Scriptures.

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He provides for us.
And I think people get hung up

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on that, that they think God's
going to be this comforting.

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I'm going to give you comfort.
I don't think God promises us

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comfort, but what he does
promise us is provision.

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And that check, you know, it
wasn't $2000.

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It wasn't like, hey, let's go
have a party, you know, spend

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all you want, no big deal.
It was precise.

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It was just enough for the
groceries and for a couple

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little bills that we had to, we
had to get paid before the end

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of the month.
So that's why I say this was

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God's hand in this.
It wasn't coincidence.

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Yeah, right on.
Well, how has life changed for

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you as a result of that?
Well, in a lot of ways, I think

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it helped me get back to that
mission field of mine.

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And you know, and, and this
isn't the only time this has

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ever happened, to be blunt,
because it was a couple years

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later than that, I decided I was
working for my dad's accounting

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practice.
And you know, if you ever work

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for family, that's a challenge.
So we were butting heads

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constantly and I decided I'm
going to go off on my own, start

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my own accounting practice and
listen.

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This was almost a monthly thing
when I started my accounting

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practice.
Picture this young man, wife's a

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stay at home mom, mom, mom
decides to come and work for me.

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So that husband and wife working
together.

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Bad plan.
By the way, I counsel people not

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to do that.
I love my wife dearly.

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Like I said, 25 years together,
my husband and wife working

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together with two young kids.
There is no separation between

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work and home.
As we are going through this, I

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was really sweating like how am
I going to make my mortgage

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payment?
How am I going to pay this rent

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for the office and stuff just
happened, dude.

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And it just happened month after
month.

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I'll give you a great example of
this.

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Listen to this one.
My wife was diagnosed with

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breast cancer at age 33.
I don't want to bring the the

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positivity of the showdown
because this is really a

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positive thing.
Well, guess what?

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We just started our accounting
practice 30 days before she was

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diagnosed with breast cancer.
I had the ability to buy health

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insurance.
Coincidence.

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I don't think so.
So that's why I'm saying so many

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times in our, in our life, God
has been right there and he

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showed you, Hey, Ralph, you can
trust me on this.

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You can trust me on this.
And so that's how it's changed

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me and, and that's why I do what
I do now.

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I, you know, I, I actually don't
really like numbers.

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I don't really like math and all
that guys on an earlier show

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today, the lady says would you
rather bake bagels or do math?

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I said I'd rather bake bagels.
I hate numbers.

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She goes, you're an accountant,
you shouldn't hate numbers.

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What I but what I do love is
people and I love relationships

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and that's what this has
afforded me the ability to do.

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I go and talk to people everyday
in my accounting practice.

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Yes, it's finance.
It's, you know, kind of stuck in

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the mud, tax stuff and all that.
But what I'm able to do is share

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with them faith, I share with
them hope, I share with them

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encouragement.
And I think in a lot of ways,

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God has set me up for that.
He says, look, I'm going to give

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you some gifts.
You're good at this stuff,

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Ralph, but I'm going to give you
some extra little gifts of how

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to talk to people, how to help
people.

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Because the truth of the matter,
sometimes we just need somebody

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to put an arm around us and say
it's going to be OK.

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And so in a lot of ways, I think
those are the things that God

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has done for me and I, he's
blessed me so many times and you

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know, more than I deserve.
Like he has to be honest with

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it, right?
You know, I don't deserve any of

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this.
But every time he comes here and

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says, Yep, I'm going to do this
for you, I'm going to do this

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for you.
And I just think that's huge.

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Yeah, absolutely.
Well, you've also, I think

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encountered some similar
scenarios with perhaps some of

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your clients or some of your
relationships.

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What are some of those stories
that you can share with us?

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00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:02,800
Oh, this one just happened about
a year ago.

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I was doing a ladies tax return.
We got to the end of the

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interview and I said, Hey, did
you do any charitable

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contributions?
She goes, oh, Ralph, you're

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always getting on me about that.
This is ladies pretty well off

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financially.
Most of her income, her husband

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had passed away a couple years
ago.

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Most of her income was in the
market.

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So passive income.
And I said, listen, I'm not

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trying to tell you what to do.
I'm not judging you.

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I said, but put a little leap of
faith out there.

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Put some money into, you know,
some, some charities.

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She goes, oh, Are you sure?
I said, you got the money to do

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it.
I said, you're giving out of

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abundance.
Well, it's funny.

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Six months later, she comes in
and she goes, Ralph, I did what

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00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,920
you said and all my investments
went up in value.

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I said, listen, I don't have any
magic to this, she says, but I

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trusted it.
She said, for the first time in

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my life, I've trusted this.
She said, I always worried

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about, am I going to have
enough?

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And she said, when you talk to
me and you said, Ralph, you can

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trust this.
And she trusted it.

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And I've seen that happen with
so many small business clients.

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They'll say to me, Ralph, I'm
thinking about starting my own

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business.
I said, did you pray about it?

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They're like, oh, you're one of
those guys, one of those holy

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rollers, right?
You know, Bible thump.

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And I hand them a Bible and say,
go pray about this business.

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And it's amazing when they take
that little leap and say, yeah,

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you know what?
I started bringing God in as my

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partner in the business and it's
been amazing.

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Now, listen, that that's not for
everybody.

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I've had some people to say, Oh,
I don't want to hear about your

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00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:21,960
God thing.
You know, I'm here to do the the

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00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:23,440
financial stuff, Ralph, don't
leave.

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00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:25,200
Don't worry about that God.
And then as they're walking out

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00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:27,800
the door, they grab a Bible on
the way out and I'm like, Oh, so

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00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:29,760
maybe you heard some of the
message, right?

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00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:32,520
But but see, and that's the
thing, like that's why earlier I

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00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:35,320
said, it's my mission field.
See, I think a lot of people can

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00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:36,640
get up in front of a church and
preach.

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00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:38,280
That's great.
I think they're great people to

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do that.
But God gives us all a mission

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00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,120
field, doesn't he?
It gives us that mission field.

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00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:46,760
You have a mission field here on
your show, you're impacting

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00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:48,280
people.
Like I do my show every day.

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00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:50,680
I do a Daily Show, which is,
which is a drag, man.

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00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:53,240
It's like a lot of work.
And I've said to so many people

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like, well, are your numbers
going?

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00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:58,760
Yeah, I said, but if I reach one
person today, if one person

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00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:02,200
hears my voice and they're
encouraged, and that's huge.

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00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:05,320
And I've seen that happen in my
accounting practice so many

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00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:08,080
times where people were
struggling, They come in and

305
00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:10,680
they meet with me and I'm like,
hey, I'll show you the financial

306
00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:12,760
side of this.
But before we close out today,

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00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:14,840
let's pray together.
Oh, we want to pray about this.

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00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,920
Yeah.
And that thing, it amazes people

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00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:18,840
like, well, I didn't think
you're supposed to mix faith and

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00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:20,640
finances.
I said, you got to mix the two.

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00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:24,600
That's who you are as a person.
Your anchor needs to be in your

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00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:26,480
faith.
Well, if you're anchored in

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00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:29,080
faith, then you start to think
about things differently.

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00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:30,360
And I think it's a mindset
shift.

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00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:32,400
So that's that's really the
thing I'm saying to you right

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00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:34,840
now is I've helped people change
their mind.

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00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:37,240
I've helped people develop that
to mind shift, which I think is

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00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:40,600
so important, especially today.
That's exactly what you're

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00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:41,680
doing.
You're encouraging people,

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00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:44,920
people you're showing them in a
culture right now, which is so

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00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:48,360
anti faith in my view.
You know, there's so much noise

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00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:51,720
coming at us from all
directions, but man, anchor your

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00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:54,960
belief enough in faith.
I think that's just huge.

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00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:58,800
And even in your finances, it
will make a huge difference in

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00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:04,040
your life when you do that.
Well, I certainly agree with you

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00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:07,560
about that blast statement.
That'll absolutely make a huge

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00:14:07,560 --> 00:14:09,960
difference.
But I want to explore a little

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00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:13,120
bit more here because I think
there's probably a lot of folks

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00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:17,400
that are listening to you and
they're thinking, man, this is

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00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:22,960
impressive.
Like I I, I am encouraged by

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00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:27,280
Ralph using his work as a
mission field.

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00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:33,480
But they're hung up in their
head or their heart somewhere

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00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:36,800
thinking, yeah, that's great for
Ralph, but there's no way that I

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00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:39,640
could do it.
And you're smiling here because

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00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,800
I think you know where I'm
going, and you probably have

336
00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:45,960
some thoughts on this.
So what is your encouragement

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00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:50,400
for those folks that are like, I
don't really know, I think

338
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:54,640
that's maybe just for Ralph?
No, it's for everybody because I

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00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:56,560
truly believe we all have an
obligation.

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00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:58,480
I'll use the word obligation
because I think we have a duty

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00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:01,480
to do this and not everybody's
boisterous like me.

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00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:03,960
My wife says you have plenty to
say to everybody.

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00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:09,000
I see you could be an introvert.
Do it by how you live your life.

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00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:12,320
Let people see how you react.
Hey, if you're at the water

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00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:14,840
cooler at work and everybody's
out there gossiping, don't

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00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:17,440
participate in that.
There's testimony in that.

347
00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:20,520
If you see somebody that's by
themselves at lunch, go sit down

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00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,200
next to them.
It doesn't have to be like,

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00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:24,640
here's a Bible, here's the
here's the gospel.

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00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:26,040
That's not what I'm talking
about.

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00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:28,920
It's little things.
God gives us each little gifts.

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00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:31,840
Hey, it could be a gift of this
lady that lives down the street

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00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:33,880
from you.
Her husband passed away and you

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00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:35,800
notice that there's leaves in
her front yard.

355
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:38,080
Well, how about you and your
kids go down there one evening

356
00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:40,440
and rake up the leaves?
That's simple.

357
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,440
Everybody can do stuff like and,
and, and it kind of annoys me a

358
00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:44,920
little bit.
People say, well, I'm not called

359
00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:47,520
for that.
We're all called for that.

360
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,280
None of us, not all of us are
called to preach.

361
00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:52,360
Not all of us called to be
evangelists.

362
00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:55,440
Not all of us are called to be
missionaries, but we're all

363
00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:57,960
called.
What is your calling?

364
00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:00,960
You really want to get somewhere
in life because listen, I'm 53

365
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,240
years old now.
Four or five years ago, I had

366
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:04,680
arrived.
Financially, everything was

367
00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:09,280
going great.
I look back and I said, is this

368
00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:12,360
all there is?
I mean, I had the Rolex watch, I

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00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:15,440
had the, I had the Cadillac
Escalade, I had the, I had all

370
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:18,040
the acutements of people say,
oh, you've been successful,

371
00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:20,680
Ralph.
And dude, I was empty.

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00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:23,560
I was empty.
Wow.

373
00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:25,600
Maybe you're listening or you're
watching this right now.

374
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:26,720
You're like Ralph.
I hear you, brother.

375
00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:30,120
I feel empty too.
Where are you pouring your time?

376
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:32,680
Where are you pouring your,
your, your resources?

377
00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:34,160
Because you don't have to have
money to do it either.

378
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,680
That's the best part.
People say to me all the time,

379
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:38,080
well, I can't afford to give a
church.

380
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:41,160
Give your time, give your
skills.

381
00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:43,760
Maybe you're a Carpenter, Go
help them build something.

382
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:46,040
Maybe you're a plumber,
volunteer to fix the toilets.

383
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,920
I don't care what it is.
Doesn't have to be money.

384
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:51,200
I just had somebody send me a
letter the other day.

385
00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:54,000
She said, Ralph, I'm on Social
Security, I'm on a fixed income,

386
00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:57,400
and should I still be tithing?
And I said, that's a tough

387
00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:58,640
question.
When I got this, I kind of

388
00:16:58,640 --> 00:16:59,840
racked my brain.
I prayed about.

389
00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:02,600
I said, oh, she doesn't
necessarily have the tithe, but

390
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,520
does she have time to go work at
Sunday school?

391
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:07,640
Does she have time to be a
mentor to another young woman

392
00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:10,800
who maybe is raising children?
You don't have to have anything

393
00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:12,880
special.
All of us were given special

394
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:15,880
talents from God.
Problem is, a lot of us just

395
00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:18,680
ignore him.
We live in this busyness cycle.

396
00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:20,960
So many people think, well, if
I'm busy, I'm fruitful.

397
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:23,359
Guess what?
Not always the case.

398
00:17:24,319 --> 00:17:26,359
One of the best things I do
sometimes when I'm having a

399
00:17:26,359 --> 00:17:30,320
stressful day, push away from my
desk and I walk out into the

400
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:33,560
middle of the pasture with the
cows and I just look around and

401
00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:37,840
I go, you know what?
This is what matters, Stillness.

402
00:17:38,360 --> 00:17:41,200
Because it's in those still
times that God says, Ralph, I

403
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:43,680
got an idea for you because I'll
be honest with you, like I'm not

404
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:45,560
walking in the morning.
Sometimes I take my dog, my

405
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:48,360
German shepherd for a walk and
that's when God speaks to me

406
00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:51,160
when I'm being quiet because we
live in this culture where

407
00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:53,280
everything is so noisy around
us.

408
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,680
And that's the thing when you
talk about coincidence or God,

409
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:58,840
how many times do we not even
realize that God is working in

410
00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:00,600
our lives?
We just think it's coincidence

411
00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:03,400
because we don't shut up long
enough to listen to him and I'm

412
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:04,960
not one of these people.
Oh, you're going to hear this

413
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,520
voice, Ralph, you will do this.
I don't believe that I don't

414
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,280
think that happens.
Some people are knuckle.

415
00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:11,920
I say, oh, I'm waiting for this
voice from the clouds.

416
00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:13,800
You know, that happened to John
the Baptist.

417
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,440
I but truly believe that I don't
know what's going to happen of

418
00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:19,400
all of us, but it's in those
quiet times.

419
00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:21,400
So if right now you're let me go
back to your question.

420
00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:24,680
If you're thinking how can I do
this best thing to do pray about

421
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:27,480
that.
Ask God, Hey God, what would you

422
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:31,160
have me to do?
What is my mission field look

423
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:32,240
like?
Because that's what I did.

424
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:35,040
That is exactly what I'll tell
you exactly how it happened.

425
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:38,480
I was in Germany first time my
wife and I had gone overseas.

426
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:41,320
When my oldest son is in the
Coast Guard, we decided to do a

427
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:42,360
trip.
He loves history.

428
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:44,840
So we went to Germany.
We're standing in a

429
00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:47,400
concentration camp.
Hey, I'd never been there

430
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:49,080
before.
Listen, if you ever get the

431
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:51,160
chance to go, go.
Because what you see on TV is

432
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:52,720
one thing.
When you're standing there, it's

433
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:54,920
a completely different thing.
So picture this.

434
00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:58,480
I'm a 50 year old male standing
in this concentration on gravel

435
00:18:58,480 --> 00:18:59,920
rocks.
And I'm thinking the people who

436
00:18:59,920 --> 00:19:04,520
stood there before had no hope.
Ralph, what are you doing with

437
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:07,440
your sorry self?
Give some hope.

438
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,000
That's how it started with me.
I said, God, OK, God, you've,

439
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:13,120
you've given to me financially.
I have the capacity to be here

440
00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:15,160
in Germany and travel.
What would you have me to do?

441
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:18,280
He says, tell people about the
good news of the gospel.

442
00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:21,800
When I was quiet about it when I
got back, I had I had done this

443
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:24,720
podcast back in 2017 or 2018.
I had shelved it.

444
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:26,640
He says, no, no, I got a plan
for you.

445
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:30,600
I got back the next month.
I launched that podcast daily.

446
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:33,480
Here's I'm going to help people
and listen.

447
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:35,760
I'm going to be honest with you.
There are days when I'm dragging

448
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:37,560
to do that.
And it's those days the Holy

449
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:40,800
Spirit speaks through me.
There are days when I turn on

450
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,040
that microphone, dude, and I
have a script in front of me and

451
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:44,480
that's not what's coming out my
mouth.

452
00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:47,320
And the first time it happened
to me freaked me out.

453
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,960
I called my pastor on the phone.
I'm like, Josh, dude, what just

454
00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:52,080
happened?
He goes, you got the Holy

455
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:54,400
Spirit.
It's humbling though, dude,

456
00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:57,320
because you know, as you, we
prayed before we started talking

457
00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:59,640
today.
We both need to, we, we've

458
00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:02,200
always need to understand it.
We got to listen for God's voice

459
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,920
and he'll speak through us.
So if you're listening right

460
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:05,800
now, you're watching this,
right?

461
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,480
You're like God.
I'm not called like Ralph.

462
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:09,920
Yes, you are, but your calling
looks different.

463
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:16,880
Yeah, Roger that.
Well, let's rewind a bit here

464
00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:23,200
because you described a period
of time where you recognized I'm

465
00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:28,200
empty.
What was that like and how did

466
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:31,800
you arrive at that conclusion?
It was brutal, dude.

467
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:34,200
Like I'm looking around, I'm
driving to my Corvette one day

468
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:36,640
and I look at first thing fat
man Corvettes.

469
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:39,280
Not a good mix because you got
to get way down, dude.

470
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,480
I had to watch a YouTube video
to figure out how I'm going to

471
00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:44,360
sit down in this thing.
But anyway, so got this

472
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:47,120
beautiful Corvette and I'm
driving down the road and I'm

473
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:52,240
feeling, is this all there is?
And you know, it's kind of a sad

474
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:55,000
thing, but you go, OK, but if I
die today, would I feel

475
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:58,080
fulfilled?
I didn't feel fulfilled.

476
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:01,320
And, and, and, and I don't know
how to explain it other than

477
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:03,840
that it was like this emptiness
Cuz they, you know, you figure I

478
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:05,440
got money in the bank account.
I've been, like I said, I've

479
00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:08,000
been, I've been deeply blessed
money in the bank account,

480
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,760
clients that want to talk to me.
I'm not worried about where my

481
00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:13,040
next meal comes from.
I got money for groceries, all

482
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:15,160
that kind of stuff.
But when you get to that point,

483
00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:16,600
you're still like, OK, what's
next?

484
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:21,360
That's emptiness.
And so many listen, I know some

485
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:24,360
very wealthy people who have
felt that same way at times.

486
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:29,520
It's not the answer.
The answer is, what are you

487
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:31,560
going to do for other people?
It's all about putting your arms

488
00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:33,640
on somebody.
It's those relationships.

489
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:37,200
That's what I didn't feel.
I didn't have that relationship.

490
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,920
I didn't have that that feeling
of the Holy Spirit saying to me,

491
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:43,120
go talk to these people, Ralph.
Go explain to these people there

492
00:21:43,120 --> 00:21:45,440
is hope for them.
And listen, when I started doing

493
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:47,600
that, I'll never forget it.
First couple weeks I did it.

494
00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:50,200
My numbers were terrible, man.
I was like, nobody's listening

495
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:51,360
to me.
I'm giving up because here's the

496
00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:53,760
problem.
Satan's strong and Satan's like,

497
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:54,960
no, I'm going to battle you,
dude.

498
00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:58,200
And he does to this day.
There are days when I put out

499
00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:00,760
shows and I'm like, oh, I, I
don't think anybody's going to

500
00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:02,560
listen to this because Satan's
in the back of my head.

501
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:04,400
Listen, this is the thing.
A lot of people, Christian don't

502
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:06,800
get it.
When you get stronger, guess

503
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:09,440
what Satan does?
He gets stronger too, and he's

504
00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:12,200
going to attack you.
And he was attacking me.

505
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:15,440
He says, look, Ralph, I'd given
you all this stuff, you know,

506
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:17,960
come hang out with me.
I'm like, no, no dude, I'm going

507
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:21,200
the other direction because I
could have, I could have focused

508
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:23,040
on that.
I could I, I say to clients all

509
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:26,880
the time, I can make you a
really wealthy scoundrel, but

510
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:28,760
when you put your head on the
pillow at night, you want to be

511
00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:31,200
a wealthy scoundrel.
I know I don't.

512
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:33,320
And that's what it finally came
down to me.

513
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:36,920
I was like, OK, what can I do
that's impactful because I don't

514
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:38,440
care how much money is in your
bank account.

515
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:41,160
I don't care how much money is
in your four O 1 Ki don't care

516
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:44,760
about how many homes you have or
vacations you take the the

517
00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:48,200
glitteria of all the Snapchat
and all that garbage of here's

518
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,040
on vacation.
I don't care about any of that.

519
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:53,200
You're going to stand before
Christ one day he's going to

520
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,000
say, what did you do with your
sorry self?

521
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:57,600
How many people did you win to
me?

522
00:22:58,120 --> 00:23:00,080
How many people did you witness
to me?

523
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:02,640
That's what makes all the
difference.

524
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,480
Well done, good and faithful
servant.

525
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:09,560
I don't think there's a more
powerful verse in the Bible, do

526
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:11,840
you?
Well done, good and faithful

527
00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:15,880
servant.
I'm not worthy of that, but I'm

528
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:18,840
striving every day to get to
that level of worthiness.

529
00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:24,960
Yeah, I track on that, totally
track on that.

530
00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:31,920
So you talked about the
experience in Germany, to what

531
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:36,560
degree or what, what, what else
was there, if any, in that shift

532
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:40,600
from the emptiness to knowing
that I need to be more in

533
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:43,680
relationship, more in
professing, more actually

534
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:45,960
working in my calling, so to
speak?

535
00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:48,560
I started looking at where I
spend my money.

536
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:51,760
I literally pulled out bank
statements and credit card

537
00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:53,720
statements because one of the
things I challenge my listeners

538
00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:55,960
to is show me your bank
statement, your credit card

539
00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:57,240
statements.
I'll show you where your heart

540
00:23:57,240 --> 00:24:00,200
is and I don't mean to be judge
mental about it, but I said,

541
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:01,280
look, and that's what I started
doing.

542
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:02,520
I said, OK, where's my money
going?

543
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:06,280
Where's my time going?
Where are my efforts going?

544
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:08,440
So it wasn't just about, OK,
well, I'm going to do this as it

545
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:10,240
is.
I I looked at the linear things

546
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,840
like, OK, here's where my time
is going, here's where my money

547
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:14,760
is going.
Man, when you do that, that's

548
00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:17,640
painful because you start
saying, well, why am I spending

549
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:19,760
money on this?
Well, is that is that Kingdom?

550
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:22,040
That's like AI, like a word I
like to use a lot.

551
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:25,200
Now, Kingdom impact.
What's the Kingdom impact of

552
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:27,120
that?
Because the truth is a lot of

553
00:24:27,120 --> 00:24:29,160
people walk or a lot of people
talk to talk, but they don't

554
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:32,040
walk the walk.
Where's your money spending?

555
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:35,280
Where's your time being spent?
How are you loving your wife?

556
00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:37,040
How are you loving your
relationships?

557
00:24:38,360 --> 00:24:40,400
And listen, I've had to do.
Let me give you another personal

558
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:42,200
example.
I told you about my wife and

559
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:44,480
I've been together 25 years.
I didn't tell you this part.

560
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:47,960
Six years ago.
I was a controlling tyrant.

561
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:50,560
I was a terrible dude.
I'll be the first one to admit

562
00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:52,640
it.
My wife had had enough, packs

563
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:57,480
her things and moves to another
state, files for divorce, got

564
00:24:57,480 --> 00:25:00,520
engaged to another person.
I hung in there for about two

565
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:02,800
months and I said, you know
what, I'm going to do the same

566
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:04,400
thing.
I'm going to get engaged to

567
00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:06,040
another person as well.
So picture this.

568
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:09,640
We've been together 19 years at
a time, living in different

569
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:14,560
states, living different lives.
Two days before the divorce was

570
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:17,640
final, I called her.
I said how are things where you

571
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:19,880
are not too great?
How about things with you?

572
00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:23,080
I'm living a lie.
I said you want to try this

573
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:30,320
again, she goes come pick me up
two days, two days.

574
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:32,560
Is that a coincidence?
It's not a coincidence.

575
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:34,640
Christ said I got a plan for the
two of you.

576
00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:38,360
We just celebrated 2 weeks ago
our 25th wedding anniversary.

577
00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:39,680
Is it perfect?
No.

578
00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:42,560
Is it perfect in Christ size?
You bet it is.

579
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:46,920
That wasn't Ralph, that wasn't
my wife, that was Christ.

580
00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:49,320
Is that a coincidence?
Absolutely not.

581
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:53,120
That was God.
And So what did I learn in that?

582
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:55,040
It's all about the relationship,
dude.

583
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,920
Love your wife.
The Bible says love your wife as

584
00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:01,360
Christ loves the church.
That's something we can do.

585
00:26:01,360 --> 00:26:05,280
It doesn't cost us anything,
doesn't cost you a dime to love

586
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:08,040
your wife.
I love this whole news with

587
00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:10,020
Charlie Kirk.
The thing it's the biggest take

588
00:26:10,020 --> 00:26:14,080
away I have from that is what
his wife said about how Charlie

589
00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:16,160
asked her every day, what can I
do for you?

590
00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:20,680
How can I serve you?
The husbands asked your wife

591
00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:22,360
that same question.
I'm going to break up right now

592
00:26:22,360 --> 00:26:25,560
because man, I almost lost what
God had given me.

593
00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:29,160
I almost lost it because I
wouldn't get out of my own

594
00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:31,280
friggin way.
Pardon my French, but I wouldn't

595
00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:34,480
get out of my own way, man.
Listen to me.

596
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:37,400
Honor your wives, dude, this is
a relationship.

597
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:39,080
God has put this person on earth
of you.

598
00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:41,720
So you talk about what changed
in me, dude, that changed in me

599
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:44,520
too, because I saw the
importance of that.

600
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:46,880
It wasn't about money.
It wasn't about crap.

601
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:49,880
We had all kinds of crap, dude.
We had a nice, all kinds of

602
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:51,960
crap.
But man, when I was sitting in

603
00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:55,600
that in that bedroom at night by
myself when she left and I'm

604
00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:57,760
praying, God, what, what do you
want me to do here, dude?

605
00:26:58,000 --> 00:26:59,800
Like I thought I was doing all
the right things.

606
00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:02,240
I was providing for her.
I was doing all those things,

607
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:04,200
but man, I was a controlling
tyrant.

608
00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:07,600
And he whispered to me and says,
dude, if I give you another

609
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:11,000
chance, will you make it work?
And the next day I prayed and he

610
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:14,840
and nothing happened.
I said, God, wait a second.

611
00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:16,840
You said if I you give me
another chance.

612
00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:20,360
Well, that happened for three or
four months, ended up being six

613
00:27:20,360 --> 00:27:22,120
months.
I end up having some other woman

614
00:27:22,120 --> 00:27:26,160
living in my house.
Dude, this is what I did because

615
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:28,680
Satan is a liar.
And he said, oh, Ralph, look at

616
00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:29,600
this.
I got this for you.

617
00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:31,200
Look, you can live like this,
dude.

618
00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:34,600
And one day I go, wait a minute,
I'm living a lie.

619
00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:38,200
Pick up the phone.
What's going on the other side?

620
00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:40,560
Wife's experiencing the same
thing.

621
00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:48,240
That's not coincidence.
That's Christ. 100% How did you

622
00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:54,880
get to the point though, Ralph,
where you were that humble or

623
00:27:54,880 --> 00:28:01,360
humbled to admit I'm living a
lie?

624
00:28:01,360 --> 00:28:04,560
Honestly.
I didn't have any other choice

625
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:06,400
because he brought me to my
knees.

626
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:08,240
I never forget my two boys.
I have boys.

627
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:12,160
They're 2824 and 28 now.
And my son during that period

628
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:14,320
graduated from his A school in
the Coast Guard.

629
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:17,360
And he came back to the house
and I'll tell you one night it

630
00:28:17,360 --> 00:28:19,080
occurred to me he was packing up
his things.

631
00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:20,840
And I'm like, I'm going to be by
myself.

632
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:24,040
And dude, I stood in the
bathroom and I wept.

633
00:28:25,120 --> 00:28:27,280
And my youngest cousin, to me,
he's like, are you all right?

634
00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:29,040
Are you going to hurt yourself?
I'm like, no, I'm not going to

635
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:31,320
hurt myself man, because I don't
think I can get much lower.

636
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:34,840
So what choice did I have?
You used the word humbled,

637
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:36,920
brother.
That was the word.

638
00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:39,840
He brought me to my knees.
But guess what?

639
00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:42,680
If he hadn't of, I probably
wouldn't be where I am today.

640
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:45,560
That's just a fact.
Yeah.

641
00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:47,720
And sometimes that's what it
takes.

642
00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:49,480
You know, when my wife got
cancer was interesting.

643
00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:51,920
She was raised Roman Catholic
and I'm not bad mouthing Roman

644
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:54,200
Catholics.
Don't don't get me the wrong but

645
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:56,000
she had never really understood
the Bible.

646
00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:59,360
She never understood that man.
When this woman got cancer and I

647
00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:02,000
gave her a Bible, she got on
fire for the Lord.

648
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:04,280
Man, let me tell you right now.
And she says this to people and

649
00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:06,800
she talks and she goes, you
know, sometimes in life God

650
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:12,320
whispers to you, sometime God
talks to you, sometimes he

651
00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:14,120
shouts at you.
Go Ralph for me.

652
00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:17,760
He was screaming at me.
It took cancer at 33.

653
00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:20,840
Now God bless her.
She is cancer free now, 20 years

654
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:25,200
post that, 20 years post that,
cancer free.

655
00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:28,840
But that's what God did for her.
And God humbled me, said, look,

656
00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:30,720
dude, I'm going to give you
another chance.

657
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:32,040
I never thought I was going to
have that chance.

658
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:34,600
To be totally honest with you.
I never thought that.

659
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:38,280
And when I made that phone call,
man, I was like, this is never

660
00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:39,920
going to work.
I went down, picked her up,

661
00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:41,720
brought her back, and I'm
thinking this still isn't going

662
00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:44,560
to work.
There's no way God's going to

663
00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:47,040
let this work.
And listen, I don't want to

664
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:49,040
mislead you.
There's still struggles.

665
00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:51,960
Marriage is hard work.
Somebody said to me, how do you

666
00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:53,240
know if you're in love with
somebody?

667
00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:55,120
I said if you put them before
you every day?

668
00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:57,880
Well, guess what?
Sometimes Ralph is not perfect.

669
00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:00,360
No, actually, let me be honest,
Ralph is never perfect.

670
00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:03,360
But that was a humbling
experience.

671
00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:05,000
That's what I finally said.
I said, OK, Ralph, you want to

672
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:07,840
be alone or do you want to be
with God, who God intended you

673
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:10,960
to be with?
Because I've done enough damage,

674
00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:12,400
man.
I look at the damage I did to my

675
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:17,280
boys, way I talk to them, and
I've just had to humble myself

676
00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:19,320
in him and say, sons, listen,
I'm sorry.

677
00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:23,720
I'm sorry for the things I did.
You know, I always looked at why

678
00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:25,840
I provided for them.
They never went without.

679
00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:27,720
That's great.
But man, my boys didn't know

680
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:30,040
what it was like to have a catch
in the backyard with their dad.

681
00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:32,760
I didn't know what that was like
either.

682
00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:34,920
And I'm not blaming my dad.
My parents split up when I was

683
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:37,760
eight.
I'm not blaming him, but man,

684
00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:40,960
I'm got the opportunity.
So now I take advantage of that.

685
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:43,640
I look at the way my son talks
to his wife and I'm like, dude,

686
00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:46,000
stop.
Do it this way.

687
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:49,200
I'm not my my son's AI got 2
grandkids.

688
00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:51,600
Don't misunderstand me.
But see, I've learned.

689
00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:55,080
See, once you've learned, you
got no excuse, right?

690
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:57,680
You're like, dude, don't make
the same mistakes.

691
00:30:57,680 --> 00:30:59,480
I because there's testimony in
that.

692
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:04,720
But two days, dude, two days.
I remember when I called the

693
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:06,400
lawyer, she goes, hold on, let
me call the court.

694
00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:09,920
It's on the judge's desk.
Yeah.

695
00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:18,400
It's on the judge's desk.
Oh man, praise God.

696
00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:23,040
He's awesome, isn't he?
He never lets us down, does he?

697
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:26,160
Nope.
There are days when it doesn't

698
00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:28,480
feel like that true.
Absolutely.

699
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:31,160
But he's always there, even in
the crap storm.

700
00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:38,480
Yeah, so, oh, man, Ralph, thank
you so much.

701
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:40,600
Man.
I just want, I, I want to, I

702
00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:47,560
want to understand what tiny bit
more about what those initial

703
00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:54,240
days and weeks were like after
you picked your wife back up.

704
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:58,480
Dude, that was hard.
It was hard because like, I

705
00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:00,560
didn't know.
Like it was almost like learning

706
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:03,000
who this person was.
Again, we've been separated

707
00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:06,080
about six months and it was
dating again.

708
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:09,920
It was let me hold the door for
you again.

709
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:12,120
Oh, let me get the door at the
car.

710
00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:14,480
But dude, I had to court her
again.

711
00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:15,960
That's the best way I can
explain it.

712
00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:18,840
It was hard, man.
And it was a lot of prayer.

713
00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:23,360
It was a lot of like, man, wow.
You know, I wish I could put it

714
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:25,640
into words if I could.
That might be my 4th book.

715
00:32:25,640 --> 00:32:28,720
I've written three books that
might be book #4 you know, that

716
00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:31,000
would be a lever of love.
But no, it was really starting

717
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:34,640
over.
And but I needed to because the

718
00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:36,400
person that I was.
And here's the thing, I'm going

719
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:39,600
to say something very bold.
I did damage, though.

720
00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:44,280
Can't ever fix that.
She she carries the scars.

721
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:51,800
But hey, guess what I live for
today, man, Today is another

722
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:52,960
day.
I get up every morning and I

723
00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:55,600
say, God make me better than I
was yesterday.

724
00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:59,200
Now I can never get rid of those
scars, but I can build on that

725
00:32:59,200 --> 00:33:00,480
everyday.
I build on that a little bit

726
00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:03,040
higher, a little bit more go the
extra mile.

727
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:06,520
Love her more than she more than
I have the capacity to love.

728
00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:10,880
But it was a one day thing, man.
And, and like I said, dude, it's

729
00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:15,120
not easy because she remembers,
you know, she goes back to well,

730
00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:17,680
you know, you talk to me like
this, you talk to these kids

731
00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:21,240
like that.
And, and all I can do is answer

732
00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:23,360
forgiveness and, you know, work
on me.

733
00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:25,080
Like that's the thing.
Like I went to counseling and

734
00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:26,360
the counselors like work on you,
Ralph.

735
00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:29,880
Like I could do that.
I talk to myself a lot.

736
00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:31,520
People like that's a sign of
insanity.

737
00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:35,600
But you know, I'm just kidding.
I mostly I talk, but I talk to

738
00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:37,640
God a lot.
I'm like, God, OK, dude, I

739
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:40,800
messed this up again because I
still catch myself because you

740
00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:44,560
know, you, you learn a routine,
you know, and something's not

741
00:33:44,560 --> 00:33:47,000
quite right at home.
And you're like, oh, wait a

742
00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:49,320
minute, Ralph, dude, where did
that take you last time?

743
00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:52,160
Yeah.
I hope that answers your

744
00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:56,800
question, but it's it's a daily,
it's a daily decision to live

745
00:33:56,800 --> 00:33:59,000
differently.
You know what they talk about

746
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:00,600
repentance, right?
Repentance isn't just

747
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:02,440
forgiveness.
It's not just asking for

748
00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:04,000
forgiveness.
It's doing that flip, I'm going

749
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:06,520
to change my ways.
I'm going to walk this direction

750
00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:09,800
because I was walking backwards.
Let's see, Satan's still

751
00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:12,400
fighting that.
Satan wants our marriage to end.

752
00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:15,880
Satan wants Ralph to shut up.
Satan wants to win this battle.

753
00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:18,760
But I know who wins the war.
Dude, you're dying your head and

754
00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:20,280
you're smiling because you know
who wins too.

755
00:34:21,159 --> 00:34:23,600
We still got to stay in the We
got to stay in the battle

756
00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:25,960
though, don't we?
Absolutely.

757
00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:28,760
And we need Jesus to do that.
We need him with us at our He

758
00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:31,840
needs to carry me because I'm a
big fat guy, but he needs to

759
00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:33,440
carry me.
I'm glad he's strong.

760
00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:39,360
Yeah.
Amen, man, Amen.

761
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:44,199
Well, Ralph, the last question
that I had was just the a bit

762
00:34:44,199 --> 00:34:47,679
more about and you were just
alluding to this.

763
00:34:47,679 --> 00:34:49,800
So I would just want to explore
it a tiny bit more.

764
00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:56,679
You described yourself prior as
a tyrant and you're talking

765
00:34:56,679 --> 00:35:04,720
about a daily set of decisions.
So how have you undone the

766
00:35:04,720 --> 00:35:07,880
Tyrant?
It's hard.

767
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:12,000
I've just asked God to say, OK,
show me today something new

768
00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:16,280
reveal to me something I can do
what is what?

769
00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:18,200
How can I build relationships
better?

770
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:21,000
How can I tame the tongue?
How can I say things in a

771
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:23,560
different way?
I do it with my employees.

772
00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:27,080
One of the things I work with a
VA from the Philippines and her

773
00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:28,720
and I do my recording such as
together.

774
00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:31,200
And she was explained to me, she
goes, Ralph, I was working in a

775
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:34,680
toxic environment and I said,
you'll never have that with me.

776
00:35:35,920 --> 00:35:38,240
I said, because if I ever say
anything that's crossed, you

777
00:35:38,240 --> 00:35:40,560
call me out on, you say, Ralph,
no, no, no, no, no, that's not

778
00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:42,800
going to work.
So it's an accountability thing.

779
00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:45,480
And I also encourage people to
say to me, Ralph, you're acting

780
00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:47,520
like a jerk.
I'm OK with that.

781
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:51,600
I'm OK with that.
And I think you just have to

782
00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:54,480
admit that you're going to fail.
Like that's the thing it comes

783
00:35:54,480 --> 00:35:56,240
to finances too.
A lot of people get hung up on,

784
00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:58,400
well, Ralph, I'm never going to
be able to do finances right.

785
00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:00,520
I'm not good at this.
Guess what?

786
00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:04,040
I'm not good at this either.
I'm better than I was yesterday

787
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:07,720
and God will and I'll be better
than that tomorrow.

788
00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:10,680
It's just one foot in front of
the other man.

789
00:36:10,880 --> 00:36:12,920
I, you know, I'll give you one
more, one more thing about

790
00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:15,360
Ralph.
So about 10 years ago, I weighed

791
00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:19,080
430 lbs.
I went to the doctor.

792
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:21,000
My blood pressure was 200 / 100.
He says.

793
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:23,640
Dude, you're going to pop.
Yeah.

794
00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:28,000
Two younger children and I
decided thank God, OK, I got

795
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:29,680
more work for me.
Like there's not enough to do in

796
00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:31,120
the 1st place.
Well, just let me tell you right

797
00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:33,960
now.
Last week I weighed in at 260

798
00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:36,240
lbs.
You're doing the math.

799
00:36:36,240 --> 00:36:38,480
That's 170 lbs.
I've.

800
00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:40,120
Lost.
Yeah.

801
00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:41,800
Wow, guess what?
Discipline.

802
00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:45,520
God, show me what to do.
Exercise.

803
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:49,560
Eat better.
In 30 lbs I'll have ��200 off.

804
00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:52,440
But more than that, I was a type
2 diabetic.

805
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:56,320
I'm not a diabetic anymore.
Was that me doing that?

806
00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:59,360
No, that's God.
But see, it's that discipline.

807
00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:00,800
That's what I'm talking about.
It's just like a weight loss

808
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:01,680
thing, right?
It's that discipline.

809
00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:05,840
It's that decision every meal.
Am I going to be different than

810
00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:08,240
the last meal?
I know this might sound silly,

811
00:37:08,240 --> 00:37:11,040
but I'm telling you like there's
so many parallels to finance.

812
00:37:11,040 --> 00:37:14,360
There's parallels to
relationships in a diet.

813
00:37:14,760 --> 00:37:17,080
It's making that intentional.
So here's the word I'm going to

814
00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:20,800
leave you with intentionality
because that's really what it

815
00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:23,240
comes down to.
You want to change your way?

816
00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:28,080
Be intentional.
Don't happen stance.

817
00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:34,240
Be intentional.
Yeah, Roger that, Ralph.

818
00:37:34,400 --> 00:37:38,280
Tell our listeners how they can
get in contact with you.

819
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:41,080
Or grab the books or the
podcasts.

820
00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:43,040
Update us on all that.
Fantastic.

821
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:45,520
The name of my book is How to
Become a Financially Confident

822
00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:47,520
Christian.
I do a Daily Show.

823
00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:49,200
It's called Financially
Confident Christian.

824
00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:50,760
You can check that out.
It's on the web.

825
00:37:50,880 --> 00:37:54,160
Go right there and listen.
It's just 1012 minutes a day to

826
00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:56,640
really be impactful for One
Financial struggle you're

827
00:37:56,640 --> 00:37:58,320
having.
Go check that out.

828
00:37:58,320 --> 00:37:59,640
That's the best way to get in
touch with me.

829
00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:03,200
Awesome.
Well, Ralph, it has been a

830
00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:07,520
pleasure man, thank you for
breaking down not only some

831
00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:12,880
financial blessings, but then
the life changing aspects of

832
00:38:13,720 --> 00:38:17,240
other other parts of your life.
Man, thank you for being honest

833
00:38:17,240 --> 00:38:18,880
and transparent with us.
Really.

834
00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:20,680
Appreciate it.
I appreciate you having me,

835
00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:23,000
having me on the show and
allowing me to witness to other

836
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:24,640
people.
I I just hope there's one person

837
00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:25,800
that's been impacted by that
today.

838
00:38:26,680 --> 00:38:29,480
Yeah, same here, man.
Well, truly pleasure.

839
00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:31,440
Thank you a bunch for coming on.
God bless you.

840
00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:40,680
Was it coincidence or God?
You decide for yourself, but I

841
00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:44,480
believe you just heard a story
for His glory.

842
00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:49,920
When You Look is powered by
stories just like this and yours

843
00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:54,000
could be next.
Go to whenyoulook.com/be a guest

844
00:38:54,240 --> 00:38:56,440
or use the link in the
description below.

845
00:38:56,960 --> 00:39:01,280
Drop us a comment and share this
episode with somebody that needs

846
00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:04,280
it.
Until next time, thanks a bunch

847
00:39:04,280 --> 00:39:07,080
for listening and watching, and
God bless.